8 Things You Will Not Hear at the Reading of Bruce Wayne’s Will

Apparently June was National Make a Will Month – who knew? Just because you missed out doesn’t mean it’s too late to declare your intentions and designate your assets to specific inheritors.

Someone as high profile as Bruce Wayne certainly has his last will and testament prepared in the event of his demise. Bruce is a man of considerable means, so he must have all of his affairs in order at any given time, right? We hope so.

That said, here are 10 things you will not hear at the reading of Bruce Wayne’s will:

8. The remainder of my estate, of every nature and kind, which I may own at the time of my death, real, personal and mixed, I bequeath to my partner- Selina Kyle, Talia al Ghul, Jezebel Jet, Vicki Vale, or Vesper Fairchild – depending on the continuity in which I perished.

7. In the event that my spouse shall predecease me, I bequeath the remainder of my estate to the young acrobat or any youth of otherwise comparable background that currently resides at Wayne Manor.

6. I hereby leave Alfred Pennyworth this gift card to an Italian Cafe.

5. I leave my collection of rare rocks to the Geological Society, with the exception of the glowing green one. Please forward that specimen to The Daily Planet in Metropolis c/o Clark Kent. Package carefully.

4. Please continue to remit payments for alarm services to Oracle Home Security.

3. Among the keepsakes I have won via charity auctions, I leave my giant Lincoln-head penny to the grandson of Joe Coyne.

2. This document is considered null and void if my cause of death is a direct or indirect result of Darkseid’s Omega Sanction.

1. In the event that an account of my life is written and converted to a screenplay, in no way is Joel Schumacher permitted to direct the movie adaptation of such.