5 Things You Never Say to Rocket Raccoon

by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck on August 11, 2014

in Comics, Movies

Guardians of the Galaxy is an outstanding movie and my guess is you wouldn’t have come here if you hadn’t seen it and loved it. One of the many fantastic aspects of the film was the rowdy and snappish personality of Rocket Raccoon, who is just as unruly in the comics.

You get the point, no more intro needed – here are 5 things you never say to Rocket Raccoon:

“You’re just a talking raccoon.”

Let’s get something straight: ain’t no thing like Rocket Raccoon, ‘cept Rocket Raccoon.

Also, since when is “just a talking raccoon” a slight on a raccoon? Raccoon’s DON’T TALK. Meaning even if the only thing that set Rocket Raccoon apart from all other raccoons was the gift of thoughtful speech, he’s still the most advanced raccoon in raccoon history. Also: guns.


“I bet you can’t even lift that big gun.”

Aw hell no. I realize that Rocket Raccoon may look ridiculous (ie. badass) with that massive firearm, but trust me- he can handle it.

Rocket is so synonymous with large weapons that if you Google his name one of the top auto-fill search terms is Rocket Raccoon big gun. OK, so Rocket Raccoon plush is another one, but that must be from all of the single ladies looking to buy something soft and sexy to cuddle with at night.


“Your tree friend is dumb.”


“Hey, weren’t you on Shirt Tales?”

That was Rick Raccoon, no relation. Rocket was stomping intergalactic supervillains while the Shirt Tales were still gracing Hallmark greeting cards. And unless you’re interested in taping some sympathy cards of your own up on your hospital room wall, I’d steer clear of mistaking Rocket for Rick. And don’t mention the Monchhichis either. Sore subject.


“Aww, you’re SOOO cute!”

Start running.



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Dex August 11, 2014 at 11:42 am

They call him Rocket Raccoon as a character name but I think mostly (especially in the movie and newer comics) he just goes by Rocket. I’m almost positive in some comic he flipped out at someone calling him raccoon.
I need a Rocket and Groot prequel…

HowardTheDeck August 11, 2014 at 3:43 pm

The headline ‘5 Things You Never Say to Rocket’ just seemed like something Buster Bluth would say (mother, I have “Army” today), so I added the ‘Raccoon’ for context. Especially for those who did not have an image to accompany the link. He does in fact hate to be called ‘raccoon’, a creature he is seemingly unfamiliar with.

Kevin Hellions August 11, 2014 at 3:20 pm

I believe in the movie he had never heard of a raccoon.

HowardTheDeck August 11, 2014 at 3:41 pm

correct, leading to the line “Ain’t no thing like me, ‘cept me.”

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