6 Observations from the Series Premiere of Total Divas on E!

Total Divas premiered last night on E!, which gives me something to switch to at 10PM on Sunday nights (starting in two weeks) to avoid watching Chris Hardwick make up cute and punny terms about Breaking Bad.

Here are 6 casual observations from the show:

Nattie Neidhart got screwed, got heated, was justified

It seems Vince McMahon’s hard-on for screwing over Harts is as raging as ever. Of the current Diva roster, Nattie deserves to be on every card over everyone but AJ Lee and maybe Layla.

Nattie’s got the talent, the pedigree and the looks, but hasn’t yet gotten the sustained push she deserves, and she doesn’t even try to hide her disappointment.

 

Daniel Bryan and John Cena are each with the perfect Bella for them

Cena is dating the demonstratively superficial body-obsessed bright red Bella, while Daniel Bryan has what seems like as “non-Hollywood” a relationship as possible with the down-to-earth, muted earthy-tones Bella. Totally fits.

By the way, how is WWE going to promote the shit out of this show but not work any of this into Cena & Bryan’s Summerslam program? This is the kayfabe-est wrestling will ever be. They need to work in a work somehow, right?

 

I wish Ariane’s boyfriend Vincent woulda got his crack at Brodus

One of the Funkadactyls (the one who isn’t engaged to Jimmy Uso) got yelled at by Brodus Clay. Her boyfriend got a little hot and told her to call Brodus out, because he wanted to “f*ck him up”.

Listen, I’m sure Brodus Clay is no Ken Shamrock, but I know Snoop Dogg’s former bodyguard can still go. I’d love to have seen him put “Jealous Boyfriend Guy” in his place.

 

For a Senior VP of Talent Relations, Jane Geddes doesn’t look comfortable relating with the talent

Ex-LPGA golfer and current SVP of Talent Relations Jane Geddes has a Lumberg “Yeah, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and come in this weekend” moment with Nattie Neidhart. She awkwardly fumbles through delivering the news to Nattie that’s she’s been left off the Wrestlemania card.

“Yeaaah, I’m gonna have to ask you to go ahead and not have a match at WrestleMania.”

Of course it sucks to give bad news to employees, but to become a WWE SVP I’d have to assume you’d be a little more efficient at it. Maybe it was the pressure of being on camera for E!, but I expected more. It is interesting though, that even SVPs are basically middle management at WWE, because we know of at least 4 people who outrank the Senior VPs we saw on Total Divas.

 

Eva Marie made a good choice with the red hair

But in the process she invited endless comparisons to Lita, one of the best Divas of all time. Eager to see how she looks in the ring.

 

John Cena has never sold pain like the look on his face when Nikki brings up marriage.

 

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