If you’re reading this, you care about professional wrestling (and not even the good kind, you low-rent sports entertainment slut, you!) so you probably know who was behind TNA’s cryptic #August1Warning teasers.
If not [SPOILER ALERT], it was UFC retiree Tito Ortiz. A horseshit effort, typical of TNA.
Inspired by this tweet from our friend @eclectik, are 8 people we would rather have been behind TNA’s #August1Warning:
1. John Morrison
The guy was any semblance of mic skills away from being the next Shawn Michaels. He’s clearly the most talented and relevant pro wrestler currently not on TNA or WWE’s roster.
2. Cody Hall
Cody Hall, the 6″5″ sports-entertainer-in-training son of Scott Hall, has very little in-ring experience, but that could have been part of the gimmick. Cody’s career has gotten a huge rub lately off of the mainstream media’s coverage of Hall’s rehabilitation in Diamond Dallas Page’s “Accountability Crib”.
Hall has been very outspoken lately (his interview on The Steve Austin Show is a must listen), and he’s mentioned his new relationship with his son quite often. TNA could have taken advantage of the exposure and capitalized with a “Hogan takes Cody under his wing, but proud Papa doesn’t want his son to go down that route” storyline.
3. The guy who punched Randy Orton in the dick
Like this isn’t something Dixie Carter would do just to stick it to Vince. Bischoff woulda done it. Hell, Vince would do it.
4. Jim Ross
When is good ol’ JR gonna get tired of Vince’s shit and take his industry knowledge and recruiting moxy to a competitor?
5. DDP
With all the hype around “Dally” lately (hell of a piece on Deadspin, by the way), TNA would be well served to bring the FIVE time former World Champ in for a short stint. He wouldn’t even need to wrestle, but he can work a mic and a crowd like no one TNA currently has.
6. The Hyatts
Desperate to piggyback WWE’s successful Wyatt family gimmick, TNA digs up 3 rednecks, hires Missy Hyatt to manage them and calls ’em her backwoods nephews.
Still better than Tito.
7. The cast of NBC’s Joey
Still better.
8. Tito Santana
A Tito more wrestling fans would’ve gotten excited about. #Arriba1Warning
All 8 of these would have been better. Except maybe Joey.
HA! Hilarious
I agree to all of these and might I add
Bookman from Good Times
Cosmic Cow
Sassette Smurf
Katie Vick
The Fu Schnickens
and The Cast of Shasta McNasty
Is there any list of anything that you wouldn’t add Cosmic Cow to? He’s perfect in every way.
The Fu Schnickens! Ha!
Arriba 1 Warning haha
I would have been more interested and impressed with Tito’s girlfriend, Jenna Jameson, joining TNA.
Good call!
Almost any former wrestling great would’ve been better.
I like the John Morrison call. DDP would be awesome too and he could bring Jake The Snake with him.
Tito Santana’s funny, hahaha.
I’m not ready to see Missy Hyatt’s… um, “enhanced” features again.
Cody Hall’s too green to pull it off.
J.R. would’ve also been funny.
They can’t make Jeff Hardy a big star, so there’s no way John Morrison would’ve been a big deal in impact!
That’s a good call about Hardy. And yeah, Cody is so far from ready but it’s just the kind of asinine move they’d make without thinking it through.