If You Buy This Voltron Nutcracker I Don’t Think We Can Be Friends, and Here’s Why

by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

Yesterday @Voltron tweeted this: (yes, I follow Voltron, don’t judge- they followed me first)

The link in the tweet will take you to the Voltron shop, where you’ll notice the reasonable sale price for this novelty item is a modest hundo and a half. You read that right- $150 for a Voltron nutcracker. What goes through the mind of the person who clicks ADD TO CART here?

I must have this to crack nuts and I will throw a walnut party the moment it arrives.

I must have this, but obviously it will never be used to actually crack nuts, what if it breaks? What if I scratch its- wait a minute, where do the nuts even go?

Since it only requires roughly half a car payment, this cost-effective manual device for cracking nuts is the best use of my currency.

Think about what this means: we live in a world where there are enough people that would spend $150 on a nutcracker that it justified someone mass producing them (by hand of course). Let me clarify: that’s enough people who would spend $150 on A VOLTRON nutcracker.

Note that there are no user ratings or reviews yet, most likely because someone who spends $150 on dust collectors has too rockin’ a social schedule to be bothered to circle back and write about their new wooden anti-depressant.

If you buy this, I probably hate you. But don’t let me stop you. In fact, if you pull the trigger I want in on that walnut party.

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