10 Crazy Things You Can Buy On Amazon For a Penny (Plus Shipping)

by Jason Gross @SockofFleagulls

One of my favorite recurring segments on the Tonight Show is “Stuff We Found On eBay.” Viewing the unbelievable items that people list (and actually sell) on the online marketplace is always good for a laugh. The sad part is that it’s true! If your dog leaves a pile in your front yard and happens to look like Mount Rushmore, there is probably someone in South Dakota that will buy it.

Amazon has some pretty crazy items too. Here are ten of them that are available for just one penny! Sadly, none of these qualified for the $25 free shipping option.

 

“I Married A Fart Joke” Decal

Are you sick and tired of your husband’s awful-smelling flatulence? You don’t have to be alone in your agony!

With this “I Married A Fart Joke” decal proudly displayed on your shirt or automobile, you can tell the world what a disgusting individual you decided to spend the rest of your life with. And who knows, you might just connect with another hazmat housewife.

 

Captain America Face Tattoo

Instead of buying a cheap plastic mask with a stapled rubber band this year for Halloween, show off your Marvel pride with this Captain America face tattoo!

It’s “easier to use than makeup!” For the daring person, you can also wear it to work and pretend your coworker with the acne problem is Red Skull.

 

Pullback Roach

Straight from the factories at That’s Gross, the same company that brought you a bag of roaches and body part ooze, it’s the pullback roach!

Enjoy hours of sister-scaring fun with this little devil on wheels. No batteries required! Just pull back and watch your friends dance the La Cucaracha! (Mariachi band sold separately.)

 

Six Pack of Cars 2 Tungtoos Tongue Tattoos

As if the concept of tongue tattoos wasn’t crazy enough, you have to go and put Mater on them. What the hell do they taste like…rusty bumpers?

Amazingly, it did receive one 5 star review by a “12 year old who had them at his birthday party.” Who lets their 12-year old buy stuff on Amazon? I guess the same parents who don’t mind mediocre tongue art.

 

Bloody Nail Through Finger Joke

Okay, I’m not too sure about the exact situation to use this item.

I guess you’d have to be using a nail gun with one of your friends nearby? “Hey Chip, can you hand me that box of nails over there? I’m just about…OWWW!!!”

 

Bacon Scented Air Freshener

Bacon is like the force. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us.

But even those who always feel the flow of bacon as they walk through life, sometimes you just need a boost to know it’s there. That’s where the Bacon Scented Air Freshener comes in. Breathe it in and let bacon fill your heart.

 

LED Fiber Optic Mohawk

If you look up “life of the party” in the Miriam-Webster dictionary, there is a picture of an LED Fiber Optic Mohawk.

For a measly penny, you also get pre-installed batteries AND push button control for the speed/style of blinking. How much more can you ask for?

 

Camo Rubber Balls

For extreme rubber ball bouncing enthusiasts!

If it wasn’t hard enough to find where these damn things go in the first place. There should be a G.I. Joe logo on the side to make me at least want to find it!

 

Set of 4 Googly Eye Finger Puppets

You ever get bored at work? (Yes!) Do you ever talk to yourself? (Yess!!) Do you ever pretend you hand is your boss so you can tell him where to go? (Yesss!!!) Well, instead of drawing eyes on your hand and possibly getting ink poisoning, try these googly eye finger puppets.

Easy to fit and allows you to poke the hell out of your fake boss’ eyes! (Bonus: check out the Amazon ASIN for this item: B00BSXE7T8. Heh.. boobs.)

 

Calvin Peeing on “My Ex” Decal

Just ended a relationship but both of you still live in the same small town? Here’s a nonchalant approach that will let your friends know exactly what you think of your ex.

Just simply slap this sticker on the back of your car and go about your business. (For long term usage, use the code on the back of the decal for a free trial of eHarmony)

 

Jason Gross (@SockOfFleagulls) is the creator of Rediscover the 80s and loves to subject his two sons to cartoons, TV, movies, and music from the decade. Currently promoting a M.A.S.K. live-action movie script (co-writer), he enjoys freelance writing about 80s music & pop culture.

 

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