Fantasy 80s Task Force 2012: When Russian-Hired Ninjas Attack

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in The 80s

Shady Russian businessmen.


Hired ninja assassins.


Does it get more 80s? This week’s assignment from the League of Extraordinary Bloggers comes directly from the UnderScoopFire vault – its the Fantasy Task Force!

Last year, we charged a handful of participants with drafting a team of cartoon, comic & toy characters to defeat The Queens of Mean. This year, we’ve tasked the entire League to create their own teams to defeat a conglomerate of evil Russians and skilled ninjas. Movie characters are eligible as we draft our 80s Fantasy Task Forces!

Here, I take a crack at drafting my own 80s task force to combat this new evil entity. Let’s begin!


The strategy:

I’ve decided that a successful team has to have certain key components:

1. The Brains – An unrivaled strategist who will mastermind the plan (we do have a plan, right?) and keep everyone focused on the goal.

2. A field general – The Brains’ right hand man, a brilliant tactician who has seen it all.

3. The Muscle – A battle hardened warrior, able to take down an entire crew of henchmen single-handedly.

4. The Mouth – Some call is comic relief, I call it a morale boost. The team must take its task seriously, but keep positive and loose while in the trenches.

5. Girl Power – A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Some jobs call for a woman’s touch – when no man can get the job done.


The team:

1. K.I.T.T. 

Early curveball. Instead of drafting someone with actual ‘brains’ to be our Brain, we enlisted the service of one of the top artificial intelligences of the 80s. Knight Industries Two Thousand serves a dual purpose – not only can he provide up to the second tactical analysis and surveillance, but he can actually assist in combat and defense as well. Why draft someone who can only make the plan? K.I.T.T. can help you carry it out as well.

Bonus value: K.I.T.T. got a lot done when he was manned by Michael Knight – an ex-cop yes, but was he the best commando/mercenary the world has ever seen? Not by a long shot. Imagine the possibilities if K.I.T.T. were partnered with…


 2. John McClane

A detective and a Lieutenant, John McClane has the experience, knowledge, and fortitude to be our field general. McClane will stop at nothing to get the job done, and he has specific experience with shady eastern European-types. (not to mention Die Hard 5 looks to have McClane square off against.. you guessed it, Russians)


3. Snake Eyes

Fight fire with fire, right? Our team needed muscle, and who better to provide it than the baddest ninja commando in all of the land? Snakes is our go-to guy when it comes to the ninja arts- no hired henchman will be able to hang with the Arashikage clan member.


4. Michelangelo

Double value here. Mike will be responsible for both kicking ass AND coining the group’s non-‘yippee ki-yay’ catch phrases. Michelangelo fulfills our morale booster-comic relief slot but brings value in that he also happens to be a ninja. He and Snake Eyes represent a force to be reckoned with and can easily dispatch of an entire clan of lesser ninjas.


5. Jem

OK, here’s how this is gonna go down. We’ll leave the specifics to K.I.T.T. (after all, it is what we drafted him for), but the main gist of the plan is this:

We assume at some point our task force will have to infiltrate a heavily guarded Russian stronghold or some otherwise Kremlin-like compound. This is where the stealth abilities of Snake Eyes and McClane come in, but we’ve gotta at least get them in the same zip code first. (Does Russia use zip codes?) This is where Jem comes in.

One thing that hasn’t changed since the great 80s is the Russians love of American pop music. Jem and the Holograms would travel to Russia to play their sold-out Moscow show as part of their international tour. The rest of our task force would join them disguised as roadies. OK, so Mike might be a tough sell at the airport, and we’d have to ferry K.I.T.T. over, but through the magic of movies they would successfully use the concert as a cover and be able to infiltrate the bad guys’ headquarters and thwart the evil plan. Think Ocean’s Eleven, but with the Kremlin instead of a casino. And a turtle instead of Casey Affleck. Foolproof.

The Holograms are huge in Russia.


 See who other members of The League drafted below!

ShezCrafti took a damn break from vacation to assemble the Ninja Force Five!

Cold Slither Podcast assembles The Bro Battalion! The backstory he wrote is awesome – really captured the spirit of the assignment!! I would pay to see this movie.

As cool as I thought my team was, I would NOT want to tangle with the Rediscover the 80s squad.

Cool & Collected drafted their team and made one hell of a movie poster!

The Dork Horde’s task force was by far my favorite to look at – because he posted a picture of them ready for action!

That Figures has drafted a team that could accomplish anything if they put their minds to it.

Green Plastic Squirt Gun collected a nice variety of ass-kickers, all pictured kicking ninja ass!

Of Flying Monkeys and Ewoks oh my drafted a Super Duper Ninja Squad

Memories of Toymorrow decided to fight ninjas with ninjas (a logical approach!) – LOVE the final 2 members..

Monster Cafe Saltillo brings us some funny images, including Ninja Golf!



{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Jason aka SockofFleagulls August 27, 2012 at 10:55 pm

As stated on CoolandCollected’s site, that list is like an “in the park” homerun….a non-traditional approach but it counts!!


Howie Decker August 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

Hey, we’re just makin’ our way anyway we know how. Oops, wrong 80s car


Michael August 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Mc Clane drivin KITT. Think of all the one liners thrown around during that drive !!


Howie Decker August 28, 2012 at 10:10 am

Throw Mike from TMNT in the backseat and it’s a chucklefest! Good think Snakes doesn’t speak..


More0_0Than August 28, 2012 at 8:18 am

This group would win by sheer audacity! Love the KITT and Jem curve-balls!


Howie Decker August 28, 2012 at 10:08 am

They are an audacious bunch, aren’t they Tom? Glad you approve!


Paxton Holley August 28, 2012 at 9:23 am

Haha, you said the curveball was KITT, but for me, Jem was the actual curveball. But it’s just crazy enough to work!

Great list. KITT was a stroke of genius.


Howie Decker August 28, 2012 at 10:07 am

Thanks Pax! Looking forward to your task force (if you choose to accept the assignment)


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