Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…
How many evil plots were foiled by our favorite heroes in the 1980s? Based on facts in this blog post from the fine folks at M.A.S.K. Movie, and some simple geek math, I estimate well north of 500. That’s factoring in the plenitude of 80s properties that had corresponding tv shows and comic series, accounting for their average number of episodes and issues, plus or minus the existence of a full-length feature film.
How many of those 500+ plots were successful? Zero. Cobra never took over the world, Megatron didn’t succeed in harvesting Earth’s resources for his own gain, and Skeletor never got the keys to Castle Grayskull. Every episode, every issue, every property, the good guys always won in the end. If only the super-villains could have teamed up and pooled their resources, perhaps they could have gotten the job done.
While the egos of Cobra Commander, Mumm-Ra and Miles Mayhem may have prevented them from requesting each other’s help in overcoming their respective adversaries; matters of pride are not an issue to their female counterparts. Based on this fearsome possibility, the genius minds behind the M.A.S.K. Movie website have suggested an evil threat the likes of which the world has never seen:
We suggest an all female group of villains. They should include but not limited to The Baroness and Zarana (G.I. Joe), Evil-Lyn (Masters of the Universe), Witch Haggar (Voltron), Melodia (Silverhawks) and of course Vanessa Warfield (M.A.S.K.). Their mission you ask? Collectively “slap the crap” out of their own evil leaders for their half-cocked pea-brained attempts to take out the good guys. I say the “Queens of Mean” could do some real harm against the good guys. Give them some sexy outfits (or even sexier depending on who you are talking about, but preferably not for Witch Haggar) and while the good guys are staring in awe, they could take them down!
With such a threat poised to create havoc across the pantheon of geekdom, who could possibly restore order to the world? G.I. Joe alone is ill-prepared to take down this cross-promotional super-group of villainesses! The Thundercats would be no match for the “Queens of Mean”, and all the power of Grayskull in Eternia isn’t going to help He-Man this time. A special Task Force must be assembled to counter this menace… a Fantasy Task Force!
We gathered some of the foremost authorities on 80s cartoon, toy and comic properties and put them on the spot. If you could only choose FIVE characters from the worlds of all of your favorite 80s properties, who would they be? It was time for the first ever Fantasy Task Force Draft!
The panel of experts:
Brian Truitt – USA Today writer,editor and blogger, specializing in pop culture and comics
Justin Bell – editor of GeneralsJoes.com and co-host of the What’s on Joe Mind? podcast
Howie Decker – co-creator of UnderScoopFire.com, a website for children of the 80s
Chris Tanski – pop culture mash-up graphic designer
Joe Zicari – UnderScoopFire.com contributor, avid G.I.Joe re-collector
Who was drafted first overall? What “sleeper” picks were snagged in the late rounds?
View the teams and then scroll to the bottom to vote!
Team Truitt (@briantruitt – USA Today)
Roadblock (G.I.Joe)
Springer (Transformers)
Gizmo (Gremlins)
Col. Bluegrass (Silverhawks)
Baldwin P. “Bulletproof” Vess (C.O.P.S.)
Team Bell (@GeneralsJoes – GeneralsJoes.com)
Snake-Eyes (G.I.Joe)
Shockwave (Transformers)
Panthro (Thundercats)
Trap Jaw (Masters of the Universe)
Buttons McBoomBoom (C.O.P.S.)
Team Zicari (@SharePointJoe)
Firely (G.I.Joe)
Zartan (G.I.Joe)
Jazz (Transformers)
Ace McCloud (Centurions)
MacGyver (action figure)
Team Tanski (@p0lishphen0m -redbubble.com)
Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Eugene Tackleberry (Police Academy)
Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street)
Chuck Norris (Karate Kommandos)
Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones)
*the premise was that the character had to have a cartoon or toy line
Team Decker (@HowardtheDeck – underscoopfire.com)
Destro (G.I.Joe)
Hondo MacLean (M.A.S.K.)
Cheetara (Thundercats)
Steelwill (Silverhawks)
Sci-Fi (G.I.Joe)
VOTE NOW – the winner will be named the 2011 UnderScoopFire Fantasy Task Force! (which is the highest of geek honors, trust us)
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