The Six Types of Geek

Nicknames, labels, monikers and appellations come and go, but some are here to stay. In the 80s and early 90s, the term ‘geek’ may have been slung your way in a derogatory manner. Today it is meant with much less disdain, but there is still some confusion as to what constitutes a ‘geek’.

One online thesaurus defines a ‘geek’ as an “odd person; computer expert”. This must be the definition that the inexplicably popular group of kids at my high school subscribed to; because when they called me a geek it was surely not a term of endearment. Apparently owning a computer in 1990 was fine, talking about it too much was not.

Mirriam-Webster seems a touch confused about who deserves the label of ‘geek’ as well. Their #1 definition entry is so obscure it could be used in a game of Balderdash. From there it gets a little more realistic, but when I take the time to consult Mirriam-Webster for a definition, I’m hoping for something more. Perhaps my high school classmates/tormentors have grown up to be dictionary writers, as this one identifies ‘geek’ synonyms as ‘dork’, ‘nerd’, ‘weenie’, and ‘wonk’. Weenie? Really? Grow up, Mirriam-Webster.

not cool, Mirriam-Webster.

It’s safe to say at this point that the term ‘geek’ cannot be reserved exclusively for avid computer aficionados. It is, however, fair to assume that most geeks have a minimum of one pressing obsession. My question is: Does being really into something make you a geek, no matter what that something is?

The term is certainly thrown around that way. I’m sure you’ve heard someone referred to as a ‘Movie Geek’, or an ’80s Geek’. Funny thing is- if someone is really into football they are generally called a ‘Sports Nut’, as opposed to a ‘geek’ of some kind. This answers the question I posed in the previous paragraph and also implies that if one is into sports they are absolved of being labeled a ‘geek’. Interesting for sure, unfortunately we lack the time to properly compare and contrast ‘geeks’ and ‘nuts’ at the moment.

I did my best to categorize the different types of geek, and have narrowed them into six fields:

The Silo Geek

“All Star Wars, all the time. Nothing else matters.”

image courtesy cardco.blogspot.com

The Silo Geek has a deep, passionate, all-consuming love for one thing, and rudimentary knowledge of anything else. By nature, silos contain a mass quantity of one element and are disconnected from all other matters. The example that comes to mind is Star Wars vs. Star Trek. Die hard fans of one have difficulty relating to fans of the other, and pure enthusiasts rarely mix love of one with an equal fondness for the other.

The Super Intelligent Geek

[insert technical jargon no one would understand]

can’t work this out at any gym

Many published definitions of ‘geek’ incorporate some reference to the subject’s high level intellect. While this was a prevalent 80s perception of the ‘geek’, today it accounts for much less of the equation. This is why The Super Intelligent Geek resides in his/her own category. A ‘geek’ is no longer necessarily mega-brilliant by nature, as proven by the existence of Fitness Geeks. [If you’re reading this at the gym, the comments section is at the end]

The Faker Geek

“I call myself a geek because I realize it endears me to a large portion of the population.”

They even try to disguise themselves as us

In an amazing twist of events, over the last 25 years the label ‘geek’ has gone from typically uncomplimentary to a romanticized term of endearment. When guests appear on our podcast, if they are considered an expert in a specific field we commonly (and lovingly) introduce them as a “___ geek”. No offense has been taken to this form of introduction, as is exemplary of the new world view of the ‘geek’. Possessing and exhibiting a deep knowledge of or love for a specific thing is now in style. Suck on that, inexplicably popular high school classmates.

This paradigm shift has given rise to a new and especially abominable type of geek, the Faker Geek. This is a person who realizes it is now cool to be a geek of some sort, and they (as Rusty Griswold would say) “glom on” to someone else’s family because they don’t have one of their own (make no bones about it, fellow geeks consider each other family).

These fakers are outed as easily as a blue skinned, orange haired He-Man, and watching them squirm as their geek credentials are discredited is sometimes cringe-worthy. Geeks are born, not made.

The “Jo-Jo the Idiot Circus Boy” Geek

“Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. Lets say I go into some guy’s office and lets say he’s even remotely intrested in buyin’ something. Well then I get all excited, I’m like JoJo, the Idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. Oh, my pretty little pet, I love you. So, I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hee hee, I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you’re naughty! Then I take my naughty pet and I go (shredding piece of bread) krrpbbbrk, rrbggrrrk, Ohh! I’ve killed it! I killed my sale!!”

‘Movie Geeks’ undoubtedly recognize that as a scene from the Chris Farley & David Spade cinematic gem, Tommy Boy. The fourth type of geek is named in honor of the above scene because they treat the object of their geek affection with the same unhealthy enthusiasm as Tommy does. Their fascination and compulsion typically ruin the object for everyone else. Examples that come to mind: Fans of Twilight and Justin Bieber. Most of us would probably hate those things a little less if the outspoken majority didn’t love them so loudly.

The Stat Geek

“Crunching numbers is my game.”

image courtesy franklywines.blogspot.com

A well respected type of geek, The Stat Geek has the highest statistical likelihood to be successful in life. This kind of geek can usually parlay their passion into a well-paying career, and they get to do what they love! Statistical analysis is a growing field, and companies pay top dollar to those who do it well.

One such analyst and self-proclaimed ‘Stat Geek’ is a friend of UnderScoopFire, ESPN’s AJ Mass. AJ has turned his passion for the stat into an impressive career at ESPN and he’s captured some of his geek revelry in the book How Fantasy Sports Explains the World, a great read even if you don’t consider yourself a ‘Sports Nut’.

The True Geek

“I can’t explain why I’m into the things I’m into, I just am.”

My wife once asked me to explain my love for things like G.I. Joe, Star Wars, comic books and action figures. While I was able to cite specific stories and timeline events that may have been responsible for my love of these respective elements, those anecdotes didn’t really answer her question.

The real question should have been something like “What is it about your psychological wiring that predisposes you to collecting and admiring these items and properties, often times eclipsing your desire to socialize with others who do not share said love?”

And the real answer, for lack of a better one, would be something like “Because I’m a geek.”

Publications sometimes try to label ‘geeks’ as obsessive, overly unthusiastic, frenzied zealots. Certainly some of us go to extremes, but for the most part we know what we like and we stick to it. Nothing wrong with that.

Geeks get geeks. Just as birds of a feather flock together, geeks prefer to gather in circles with similar folks. A True Geek can see another True Geek coming from a mile away, and is always cordial. Often an instant connection is made between two True Geeks. Regardless of what type of geek you are, know that you are far from alone.. and don’t listen to Mirriam-Webster. Name calling is so 1990.

Howie Decker is the co-creator and editor of UnderScoopFire.com. He likes fantasy baseball & taco night. You can read his “Letter from the Editor” here. Follow him on Twitter @HowardtheDeck.