Tank’s Toy Chest Episode 4 – May the Farce Be With You

by Chris Tanski on May 14, 2012

in Star Wars

Sure, I had my fair share of Transformers, He-Man and G.I. Joe figures in my youth. The one property that I habitually collected was Star Wars. I had a ship or play set here or there, but it was the figures that my parents dropped their hard-earned cash on. The crazy thing was that series back then consisted of 20 or more figures. As I got older my collection got placed in boxes and sent to the big attic in the sky.

I moved out of my parents house and my old toys came with me. In my new apartment the figures again got relegated to the storage area. It wasn’t until my wife and I bought a house that I broke them out and realized what I had. I bought these pretty sweet action figure cases to display my wares. My figures that now adorn my walls opened the floodgates for me to take all my various collections and get shelves after shelves to display the things I love most.

Of course, I was missing some pieces to complete my collection- the main one being Yak Face. Those in the know are aware that Yak Face was only available in Canada and Great Britain and you needed to pony up some major dough to obtain him. Let’s just say I will never tell my wife how much I spent to complete the main 92 for fear of divorce or separation. All kidding aside, I am proud of my collection and hope to pass it on to my kids someday.

At the time of Episode I’s release, no kids were in my immediate future, but I thought that if the old toys were worth so much now, the newer toys surely would be worth just as much in the long run, right? Wrong! Little did I know about over-saturation and other concepts that toy collectors don’t like to hear.

Weeks before the release of the The Phantom Menace, myself, friend of the site Todd Hess and fellow Scooper Googs staked out our place in front of the local Toys R Us for the midnight release of every and anything Star Wars. We were 6th or 7th in line. We had lawn chairs, drinks and conversations to pass the time.

In hindsight, I can’t believe we did that. Two or three hours into our adventure a man (a kid from my past) walked up to the ever growing line and proceeded to stand at the number one position in line. I say “past” because he was someone I would hang out with when I was younger when we went to visit my grandparents.

He was that kid that got every cool toy at Christmas. He got complete runs of M.A.S.K., Transformers etc. It was awesome to go over to his house and just play with the best toys of our youth (I wonder if he still has all those toys?). As we got older we had fallen out of touch- so out of touch that he didn’t even recognize me when I went up to him and asked him what the fuck he was doing.

Those familiar with me back then knew that it wasn’t in my nature to do such a thing. I was (and to a point still am) the type of person that avoids conflict at all cost and just lets the other guys handle it. But this was for Star Wars toys and there was a code to waiting in line and he sure as shit broke it. For the sake of this scene we will name the other kid Booger for the sake of anonymity.

 

Me: What the hell are you doing?

 

Booger: Waiting in line for Star Wars toys. Why?

 

Me: I’ve been here for 3 hours waiting in line, and I haven’t seen you until now.

 

Booger: Oh, I was here earlier and I had to go do something.

 

Me: Wait a second. That’s not how this works. You can’t leave for 3-4 hours and just expect to get back into place where you were. No cutsies! (yes, I said that)

 

Booger: Look MAN, if it’s such a big fucking deal to you why don’t you go ask all of these people in line what they think about it.

 

At that point the line had grown exponentially. I proceeded to walk out in front of hundreds and people, again something I wouldn’t normally do.

 

Me: Hey Yo? (wrestling and the NWO were big back then) I would like to take a survey. I have a young man by the name of Booger who just showed up a few minutes ago and plopped himself down at the front of the line claiming he had been here earlier in the day but then had to leave for a couple hours and is now reclaiming his spot in line. I think this is total garbage, who’s with me?

 

The masses spoke! The chants of “GET OUT OF LINE, GET OUT OF LINE” echoed throughout the plaza.

Victorious, I sat in my lawn chair and took a hearty swig of Mountain Dew (Episode I Mountain Dew). Booger stormed off, but before he left he turned around and screamed “I don’t know how you know my name, but you will get yours!” He then left heated and defeated. Todd and Googs subsequently both picked up their chairs and moved one spot away from me.

 

Googs: It was nice knowing ya Tanski.

 

Gee thanks, Googs. Nothing ever happened with Booger and at the strike of midnight, the doors opened and the Star Wars Bacchanalia began. I got the complete set of the new figures, a couple Lego sets and a baller 12 inch Darth Maul. Geekgasm!

Sadly, the figures weren’t worth the plastic they were made from and much like the old figures, they just sat in rubber totes in my basement. Luckily after having a son and realizing the figures would never be worth anything, I opened all the toys up and gave them to him to play with. For hours and hours The Adventures of Luke Skywalker and Friends (the original title of Star Wars, I think)  would be played out in my son’s room. I passed on my love of Star Wars to him and it still continues today.

With the movies being rereleased in 3D, I hope to experience Star Wars with him for years to come. I know we’ve maligned George Lucas all these years but I can’t be too mad at him. He nurtured my imagination. He made my childhood. He made me closer to my son, and for that I thank him.

NOW GIVE ME THE ORIGINAL FILMS ON BLU-RAY, I DON’T WANT THOSE SHITTY SPECIAL EDITION CRAPFEST WITH SY SNOOTLES SINGING.. Who’s with me?

 

Chris Tanski lives in Rochester, NY & manages a movie theater. During his free time (when he isn’t hanging with his wife & 2 kids) he wines & dines on pop culture. Being a child of the 80s, nothing gets him going more than a daily dose of movies from his childhood. They are his muse & inspire him to be a better human.

 

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Brian Morin May 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

This is my 2nd favorite story that you’ve shared (after the beer spilling on the WWE security guard). Great stuff!

Engineernerd May 15, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Sy Snootles sang in the original as well. “Lapti Nek” instead of “Jedi Rocks”

Tank Sr. May 24, 2012 at 5:37 pm

You forgot to mention that you were lacking a Gredo figure, so I called the manufacturer directly and was somehow able to purchase it through them. This is something they never did but for some reason they made a one time exception in my case.

Howie Decker May 26, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Whoa! That’s awesome!! What a Dad.

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