A Show That Has To Go: ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’

Keeping Up with the Kardashians/Sundays at 9:00 EST on E!

It is with a heavy heart that I write this. Fact is, I’m in “Kardashian” recovery. When it first premiered I thought it was the most absurd show I had ever seen, proof positive of Ryan Seacrest’s considerable clout (the guy could reboot Blossom if he wanted to), and mocked it tirelessly. Then, one rainy Sunday afternoon, when E! was unrelenting, taking the word “marathon” to extraordinary heights, it penetrated me like many a Los Angeleno one of the girls. I had simply left it on in the background, going about my business…and I got hooked.

Who was this crazy hot girl (not Kim)? Who was this idiotic preppy that was by this point making me laugh (not Bruce) as he cheated on her, got away with it, and then gave a confession to a cameraman? My questions had to be answered.

And they were. And now, after years of being fascinated by this bizarre brood, I only have one question left: When will it end? When Mason gets his driver’s license?

Mason, of course, is Scott’s son, and he is the preppy I speak of, the one banging who I think is the eldest Kardashian, Kourtney (I honestly don’t know, and it simply does not matter). While the girls globe-trotted, “taking Miami” and other locales, he became the go-to attraction, this outsider who laughed at the family along with us, even while he enjoyed its arguably sweetest fruit. (I could write something creepy right now about Kendall, who I think is the older of the two Jenner girls, the one who is pursuing a modeling career, but I won’t).

Scott smashing mirrors in a drunken rage while Kim’s out-of-nowhere marriage (which managed to make her sister’s marriage to Lamar Odom, after only seven weeks, look mulled-over) crashed and burned, was the show’s peak. It’s been downhill from there, Kanye or no Kanye. They may as well have added to this most recent season “featuring Brody and Brandon,” Muppet Bruce’s two boys from a previous union, the former maybe the only person in the cast who’s had more partners than Kim.

In fact, this addition of the Jenner lads further proves the Kardashians are out of gas and the powers-that-be know it. Well, not the Kardashians themselves, with their clothing lines, perfumes, baby photos, whirlwind romances, etc.; the “Kardashians,” as in Keeping Up With… . Once mom Kris begins zooming around on a moped for an entire episode you know it’s closing time. That moped was like Oliver on The Brady Bunch. Leave with a little bit of…well, is there any dignity left? Maybe just a dash.

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Vinnie Penn (@VinniePenn) first hit the airwaves as co-host to Glenn Beck. By 2001 he was a regular on Howard Stern, and his work has appeared in national magazines such as Maxim, Hit Parader, and Cracked. He currently writes for MSN. Visit his website VinniePenn.net.

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