Back to school!
The time has arrived for most learning institutions to reopen for the school year, as many ‘children of the 80s’ are getting ready to send their own children off to class. Some are sending their “little ones” into high school, which can be a daunting reality. This has gotten me thinking about my own high school experience “way back” in the early 90s. Regretfully, most of the time I spend thinking about high school now is spent pondering what I would do differently if I had to do it over again.
Close examination of my professional resume reveals “High School Social Studies Teacher” among my diverse work experience. Having the opportunity to teach on the secondary level provided many moments for me to reflect on my own high school experience. Many things have changed since I was in high school, but most of the basics have not. Since we only get one time through (hopefully), here are some tips for navigating high school.
Laugh at yourself
A lot of people go through high school being laughed at. If this happens to you, you are ahead of the game. How, you ask? Meaningful adult interaction demands that you be able to laugh at yourself. If you can’t, no one wants to be around you. I’m not kidding. I wish I had statistics to support this, but ten to fifteen years after high school the ones who got laughed at and learned to deal with it are thriving socially and economically. If you like to make fun of people but can’t take the heat when the focus is on you, your prospects are limited. That’s a fact.
How many interviews do we see where celebrities or successful entrepreneurs recall being a “geek” in high school? There’s a reason for that. Being a “geek” prepares you for the real world. You learn to deal with adversity, how to adapt, and you find your strength and focus from within. The more popular you are in high school, the less time you have to get to know yourself. That first month away at college must seem like solitary confinement for those who had too many friends in high school.
Stay away from stupid
It’s OK to be smart. I made the mistake of hiding my intelligence in an attempt to be “cool”. My goal was social advancement rather than academic success, so I tried to model my behavior after the people I perceived as “cool”. Prior to high school, I took a series of placement tests, and as a result I was placed in advanced classes. By the end of the first semester, I was moved back to the “middle of the pack” for lack of a better term. I wasted my ability to learn and earn good grades, in an attempt to fit in with the cool crowd. In my desperate search for a crowd to fit in, I overlooked the fact that the super smart people had their own social network that I would have thrived in and enjoyed. I was so focused on the athletes and rich kids (neither of which I could naturally relate to) that I missed out on some good friendships, and my grades suffered. Double fail.
The point is, go with whatever you are naturally good at. Be yourself. There’s no reason to change who you are. That’s like the New England Patriots getting all the way to the Super Bowl and benching Tom Brady because the other team seems cool, and they don’t have an awesome quarterback. Stick with your strengths, they got you all the way here.
Not a good strategy
Stay after school
What for? Anything. Help a teacher. Play a sport. Join a club. Spend time in the library. After the bell rings and 90% of the student body leaves the building, there is a chance to have real and meaningful interactions with people you wouldn’t normally get the chance to bond with. I lived 30 minutes from my high school, and my parents worked full-time, so the days I stayed after school were few and far between. It wasn’t easy to arrange alternate transportation. However, every time I did stay after I met someone new. Perhaps I already knew who the person was, but had never interacted with them.
When there are 300 people in the halls, there is little chance of a meaningful interaction with anyone besides your established friends or teachers. At 4:30PM, when there are two of you in the hall, the probability soars. Got your eye on a girl or boy that you’d like to get to know but can’t find the time to talk to them? Find out if they stay after school for any reason. If they do, that’s your best shot at talking to them for longer than 5 seconds at their locker between classes. Not grasping the current lesson? Ask the teacher if they have 10 minutes at the end of the day to work one-on-one with you. The teacher will take note of the fact that you are making the effort, and no one has to know that you might be behind a bit. High school is not easy, it’s OK to ask for help.
Get feedback
Recap your day with someone every afternoon or evening. If your family or friends ask how your day went, answer them honestly. Recall your morning. What did you do for lunch? What did you learn? Tell a story. Hearing yourself talk through the highlights and events of each day will be therapeutic. Be open to the response and feedback you get. A new perspective will enhance your view on everything. If no one asks you about your day, go chat with a teacher you connect with, or find a counselor. No one should go through high school alone.
Parents: think back to when you were in high school. What would you have done differently? Make sure to put yourself in your own “high school shoes” when dealing with your high school-age kids. Maintain multiple perspectives. We only had one chance, and so will they.
