5. Cobra-La
Ok, ok, ok…this is where Joe fans might disagree, but I say “Thee Nay!”. Cobra-La was originally just a place holder until the producers found a better name for the overgrown snake farm, but Hasbro and Sunbow loved the name so it was kept. Many fans don’t like it, and the thought that Cobra Commander was an 8-eyed snake was a little too far fetched. I couldn’t disagree more. Cobra-La added a sci-fi/horror/fantasy aspect to the G.I. Joe legacy.
Welcome to West Virginia!
It was something different other than just straight up military adventures and just a giant laser battle. It added a brand new facet to the Cobra legacy. We never got answers to how Cobra was started in the first place anyway. So the thought of snake-human hybrids made more sense than someone who was bored one day and decided to take over the world. Besides, by this point, the Joes spent their time trying to figure out who kept calling the Joes saying they were “The Viper” or finding Sea Serpents. I mean, other than blowing up flea markets in Canada, they had nothing else to accomplish.
“Dammit Golobulus, pull my finger!”
The characters introduced looked like something that crawled out of a John Carpenter movie and gave the Joes a formidable foe that actually made you believe they could lose. The Joes were able to defeat old Chrome Dome Commander on a weekly basis, but a giant snake kingdom with evil magic and a bunch of trees that eat you?
They all had similar designs and different roles that eventually made them so memorable:
Golobulous was the leader, voiced by Burgess Meredith. He also rode around in a huge snake pod which would’ve made a great accessory. Also, unlike Cobra Commander, Golobulous got shit done. Sadly, his figure wasn’t as awesome…
The figure we should have gotten..
His figure could hardly stand up and instead of that awesome snake pod, we were given a flimsy, bendable snake tail. These are the things that make me lose sleep at night, people. That figure is in no way, shape, or form the figure we deserved. However, I still love this character too much to let that get in the way.
..the figure we got.
His right hand chick was Pythona. This crazy snakechick was introduced but, unlike her Cobra-La homies, never got a figure. Very weird since she was one of the more memorable characters from the movie. For crying out loud, she was the first look at Cobra-La in the movie as she broke into the Terrordrome. And she gives fan-favorite Jinx a run for her money in a fight as well.
Some geeks made her into a fetish. Yes. I’m serious.
Rounding out the triad of terror was Nemesis Enforcer, a giant bat-like monster that screamed like a dog in a microwave. One of the greatest moments in movie history went down when he bitch-smacked Snake Eyes. A moment that’s up there with Darth Vader revealing he was Luke’s father, no doubt.
FEED ME MORE!
Imagine Bill Goldberg with giant batwings, throwing G.I. Joes around. Oh, and he had cool razor talons on his arms.
Obviously I disagree with this post on multiple levels and at least 4-5 of the 8 points made here … BUT anything GI Joe (Gen 1) gets props from me … love Joe info, opinion, and memories.
#HailCobra
You know, as a standalone story its good. Its the erasure of Cobra Commander’s either comic book or imagined backstory that disappointed so many kids. I do enjoy the movie anytime I watch it though
Great list Chad, and I love the new layout (pagination) instead of scrolling forever.
You’re not the only one who thinks it’s the best! haha
COBRALALALALALALA!!!!
As somewhat of a late G.I. Joe bloomer, I reallllly enjoyed this animated movie. The intro is epic and definitely should be the #1 reason here! I know a lot of G.I. Joe #VintagePurists hate a lot about this movie, but I enjoy most of it and you make a great case for several of those points. My only major problem was Cobra Commander becoming a snake. “WASSSSS ONCCCCEE A MANNNNNN”.
I LOVE Nemesis Enforcer. He’s my favorite character to come outta this.
As a huge G.I.Joe ARAH comic reader (who refers to the Hama comics as my default Joe continuity over the cartoons) even I love this movie, and it flies in the face of everything the comic had spent a decade building.
I remember watching it all the time before school when they broke it up into 5 individual episodes. That intro gets you pumped for the day more than a bowl of sugary, marshmallowy cereal!
You make good points though I disagree. Commander was a genius even if he lost. I always after this movie how he could adapt to human society or why did need him to conquer when they could on the Joes themselves. Love movie, but with questions.
This is awesome, glad you took the time to post this insight into the GI Joe movie. You’ll never see mainstream cartoons with this sort of awesomeness these days. too much anti-violence and political correctness.