2015 is drawing near which means it’s time once again for those annual New Year’s Eve traditions of counting backwards, making impractical resolutions, and dropping oversized objects from tall structures.
Can you think of a better way to ring in a new year than hoisting a 35-foot tall orange or dropping a 900-pound copper acorn? C’mon America. Are we celebrating a new year or trying to impress judges at the county fair?
I think some kind of regulatory commission needs to be established for cities who want to drop a 600-pound moon pie instead of crystal balls. Did you know that an actual town started dropping a deuce of spades three years ago? Show Low, Arizona residents now celebrate the new year by dropping a deuce in the middle of town. What’s next, dropping kids into the Bellagio Fountain in Las Vegas?
If New Year’s Eve drops are this out-of-hand, I’m surprised more obvious things haven’t been attempted. I hate to give ideas to these crazy people, but just in case there are still some city officials eagerly wanting to get into the heavy junk-dropping game, I’ve come up with some suggestions. Here are 15 things American cities need to start dropping on New Year’s Eve:
A Pair of Pants at some coastal town in Oregon
I’ve had about enough of this North Korea thing so how about we kick off the new year by showing them our best side?
Heinz Ketchup from a Giant Bottle in Pittsburgh, PA
My home town needs to show a little pride and drop some ketchup ala Matt LeBlanc from one of its skyscrapers.
A Penny from the Empire State Building in New York City
We all know the urban legend was busted on Mythbusters, but I’d rather watch a giant penny drop from the Empire State Building than a crystal ball from Times Square.
A Giant Cell Phone into San Francisco Bay
Actually any body of water would work as long as the phone goes dark when it hits the water.
A Wooden Barrel Dropped From Donkey Kong in Ottumwa, IA
The home of the international video game hall of fame needs something appropriate.
The Gap Band playing “You Dropped a Bomb On Me” in Tulsa, OK
If Tommy Lee can create a rotating drum kit, some Tulsa engineer can build a hydraulic stage for their hometown band.
A Large Hot Pocket in Long Beach, CA
Snoop Dogg can be the first honorary “dropper like it’s hot.”
A Massive Edible M&M Candy at M&M’s World in Las Vegas, NV
After dropping the M&M to the ground, it would rapidly ascend at 12:00:05am so it can still be consumed and not break the 5-second rule.
A Giant Pin at Sprint World Headquarters in Overland Park, KS
A perfect way to bring back the old Sprint ad campaign.
A Flaming Potato in Boise, ID
Boise has actually used large potatoes in the past, but obviously the potato needs to be hot to create proper droppage.
Green Slime at Universal Studios in Orlando, FL
It’s time we reopened Nickelodeon Studios and collectively utter “I don’t know” at 11:59:59pm.
A Bar of Soap at Cook County Jail in Illinois
Because prisoners need to enjoy New Year’s Eve and at the same time, we can teach kids a valuable lesson for refusing a life of crime.
Highlights of Leg Drops performed by Hulk Hogan in Augusta, GA
Set up a jumbotron for the hometown boy and countdown the 10 best leg drops before midnight.
Count Von Count live from Sesame Street
Of course, the countdown would require “ahh-ahhs” after each number.
A Bomb Initialled With A Large Letter “F” from 1211 Avenue of the Americas Building in New York City
Broadcasted live on the Fox News Channel with host Megyn Kelly. Apparently she knows what the “f” stands for.
Jason Gross (@SockOfFleagulls) is the creator of Rediscover the 80s and loves to subject his two sons to 80s pop culture. Currently promoting Agents of M.A.S.K. (co-writer), he enjoys freelance writing about 80s music & nostalgia.
