The 10 Horniest Characters in Sitcom History

Post image for The 10 Horniest Characters in Sitcom History

by Howard Decker @HowardTheDeck on February 6, 2013

in Lists

The website TV Tropes defines the character as a “Vamp“:

“A classic character type, the beauty who uses her feminine wiles to undermine a moral and upright man.”

The definition goes on to classify the character’s motives as evil; seducing and luring their victims into the darkness. While the following 10 sitcom characters certainly did their share of seducing, there was rarely evil intent. They were just horny.

Join us for a look at the most oversexed, lascivious, hot to trot, passionate and randy characters in the history of the small screen.

 

10. Mrs. Roper

Helen Roper was one of the first mainstream television sitcom characters to be portrayed as unrelentingly horny. Her husband Stanley was never interested, and that conflict served as the main dynamic between the two characters.

ABC thought highly enough of the pair to give them their own spinoff. After it failed, the Ropers came back to visit Jack, Janet & Cindy and ended up doing it in Mr. Furley’s bed. Seriously.

 

9. Sam Malone

The central character of one of the best sitcoms of all time, Sam “Mayday” Malone is four things: a former Boston Red Sox pitcher, a bartender, a recovering alcoholic, and a ladies’ man.

Sam spent all 275 episodes of Cheers either dating Diane (on and off), hitting on Rebecca, or having meaningless one night stands.

 

8. Kevin Arnold

Talk about a horny teenager. The entire run of The Wonder Years centered around Kevin Arnold’s unyielding desire to bang Winnie Cooper.

In the first episode of The Wonder Years, Kevin and Winnie share a kiss. In the series finale, it is implied that they have sex for the first time, officially ending the longest “stranded on first base” storyline in TV history.

 

7. Myra Monkhouse

You have to be mega-horny to want Steve Urkel, and she wanted him bad.

 

6. Barney Stinson

Barney’s sex drive is legen (wait for it) nevermind- if you know the character you know where I was going with that.

In the current season, Barney has traded in The Play Book for a long-term meaningful relationship, but he spent the entirety of the first 7 seasons ruthlessly hunting down sexual targets. Many episodes have been based specifically on his sexual exploits.

 

5. Mona Robinson

Katherine Helmond was nominated for the Best Supporting Actress Emmy in 1988 & 89, because she was undeniably adept at playing a horny older woman.

For being an otherwise wholesome show with a generally positive message, I remember being 12 and enduring more than one cringeworthy sexually-charged Mona one-liner while watching with my parents.

 

4. George Michael Bluth

It’s not necessarily that George Michael had an insatiable sex drive like the others on this list; it’s that he was in love with his cousin. You have to be super-horny to spend three seasons wanting to plow your cousin.

George Michael eventually hooks up with Ann (her?) which is a thinly veiled effort to gain Maeby’s attention. Regardless, George Michael feigning approval of Maeby going on a date with Steve Holt provided us with one of the greatest exchanges in sitcom history.

 

3. Joey Tribbiani

Joey spent ten seasons of Friends (and two of Joey) having sex with everything in sight. Actually, they seemed to tone down the sex drive during his short-lived spinoff. Way to stick with the character’s strengths.

Joey’s reputation was best summarized by Chandler: “Everyone knows, if Joey puts his mind to something.. he usually sleeps with it.”

 

2. Blanch Devereaux

Owner of one of the most tireless, incessant and insatiable sex drives in TV history, Blanch Elizabeth Devereaux’s face is firmly entrenched on the Mount Rushmore of horny.

Blanche spent 206 episodes of Golden Girls regaling her roommates with tales of her vast sexual escapades. No character has ever been more deserving of the initials BED.

 

1. Dan Fielding

Before Night Court pulled stunts like having Wile E. Coyote stand trial for harassing the Road Runner, one of the central overarching plot points was Dan Fielding’s sex addiction.

Whereas some of the other characters on this list could be classified as somewhat well rounded individuals, Dan Fielding was about one thing- sex. He would stop at nothing to get women to sleep with him, and was constantly on the prowl.

 

Honorable Mention:

Larry Dallas            Peg Bundy

Brian Griffin

Before you hit the comments: Kelly Bundy was more slutty than horny. That’s a different list (if you want it).

 

 

 

  • http://teamhellions.com Kevin Hellions

    I was all set to rip you a new one, call you a horrible writer, and say this whole list was bullshit. Then I finally got to number one. How can you not be walking around horny while working next to Markie Post all day?

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      Always reserve judgement until #1! I may put out a subpar list but my #1s are rarely argued with (because I always go chalk). Thanks for reading, Hell!

  • http://www.williambrucewest.com Will

    You guys never cease to amaze me. Great list! Still, I can’t believe Larry Dallas got relegated to Honorable Mention. And what about Empty Nest’s Charlie Dietz? Or Kirk from Dear, John?

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      It’s funny I saw Kirk from Dear John mentioned on Twitter yesterday, and I had already been working on this list for almost a week. I was like NO! Don’t start listing horny characters and steal my thunder! He was certainly a horndog, but not as high profile a character or show as these 10. But I would not argue his level of horniness with you. Dietz should have been an honorable mention. I mainly put Larry in that category because I didn’t want Three’s Company to be 1/5 of the list. It could be argued that Jack belonged on there too. What a horny show.

      • http://coldslitherpodcast.com Classick Material

        LOL, I was that guy on twitter who brought up Kirk. But leave it to Will to twist the knife in.

        • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

          Hah! Well rest assured that even though I saw your tweet I didn’t steal the idea for the list. He’s a solid choice though.

  • http://twitter.com/SockOfFleagulls Jason Gross (@SockOfFleagulls)

    Well done, sir. Well done. Had you pegged for the top 2 before I scrolled down. Was surprised you went Fielding at one with all the GG hype on this site. Glad Dan the man got the props!

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      Blanche and Dan were a coin flip, honestly. I’m comfy with Dan at the top, but Blanche is a 1A.

  • http://aeiouwhy.blogspot.com Dex (@Dex1138)

    Barney combines the sleaze of Dan with the scheming of Larry. On my list he’d be much higher for that.

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      Yeah, I’d put Barney has high as #3, but it seems like every time one of our lists puts a current thing in line with or above past things people go apeshit. Must be that deeply nostalgic love of all things 80s. I’ll tell you what though- as time has passed our inclusion of New Girl in the 50 Best Sitcoms of All Time is looking more and more justifiable, and we’re not alone in that thinking: http://www.vulture.com/2013/01/is-new-girl-the-best-sitcom-on-television.html

      • http://aeiouwhy.blogspot.com Dex (@Dex1138)

        No doubt, the show has only gotten better as it goes.

      • https://twitter.com/Count_Marzo Count Marzo

        I used to go apeshit on current things being listed amongst nostalgic favorites. I’ve gotten a tiny bit better at controlling that over the years…lol

        #BlindedByNostalgia

  • BERB

    COME ON! What a great idea for a list. WELL done. And Please DO make that slutty list you teased at the end!

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      thanks. will do!

  • James

    Fielding FTW

  • http://coldslitherpodcast.com Classick Material

    Fantastic line-up! Just reading this list alone has me all hot and bothered…ahem!

    Dan Fielding is the GOAT, no question. Honorable mentions should include Kirk Morris from “Dear John”. In the US version he was played by actor Jere Burns.

    Here’s an episode with Kirk in action.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbtdoW5_BW0

    Shout-out to Billie Bird, who always had some sex-crazed punchline on the show too.

  • http://OldSchool.tblog.com OldSchool80s

    Fun list! Glad to see some strong 80s representation. And put me down for a yes vote on creating the “slutty” list, too.

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      Thanks! Yeah, looks like support for the sluts is building. I’ll get to work on it soon! Thanks for the comment!!

  • http://www.shezcrafti.com ShezCrafti

    Yep, everyone I expected is present and accounted for. Awesome list!!

    And if any Bundy should be included, it should be Bud. He dated a blow-up doll and slept with his own cousin’s bride-to-be. GRANDMASTER B IS A PIMP.

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      I was so blinded by the female Bundy horniness and Al’s “Mr. Roperesque” disdain for his wife that I completely forgot about Bud. Great catch. Unforgivable oversight on my part.

  • https://twitter.com/Count_Marzo Count Marzo

    Amazing list! Just when I thought you guys couldn’t top previous lists this one slips out. And it has many of my favorites on here! I knew Dan Fielding would be near the top! lol

    I probably wouldve added some Charles in Charge representation. Charles and Buddy were after some hotties almost every episode. Yeah, I’ve been watching my Charles in Charge dvds lately. ;)

  • Zach Monti

    Fez from that 70′s show.

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      great call. Almost included him too. Thanks for the comment!

  • Pingback: Happy “May Day”! Celebrate with the 10 Greatest Sitcom Character Nicknames

Previous post:

Next post: