Everybody listens to music. Everybody loves ninjas.
Yet very few people have realized that when you combine these two creative elements of our world, an infiltration of the mind occurs like never before. The sounds stealthily enter your ear canal, slowly drifting toward your inner being and then NINJA ATTACK!!!…Joe Musashi sends a throwing star straight into your soul.
Unbeknownst to any other human, I’ve donned my black ninja gear over the course of the past few nights and have hidden in the shadows of the internet, searching for the perfect harmony of music and ninjas. I was very disciplined in my search to find the best (except for a minor binge of smoking, skateboarding, and gaming at the Foot Clan’s hideout).
With my quest complete, I will exclusively reveal to you ten music videos so ninja-rific they would make Snake Eyes enter a karaoke contest.
First, an honorable mention. Although no ninjas appear in the video, the Super Guitar Bros are ninja-like in their medley from the Ninja Gaiden video games. That’s right folks…Ninjas Unplugged.
#10 Coldplay Featuring Rihanna “Princess of China”
As an avid pupil of the Mylo Xyloto dojo, I must say this was my least favorite track on Coldplay’s latest album. But after I discovered the music video containing ninjas and sword-wielding poses of Chris Martin and the lovely Rihanna, I was impressed enough to add to this list. I must say though that Rihanna has much to learn when it comes to proper ninja garb…a belt is always necessary as to prevent revealing your weapons.
#9 Carl Douglass “Kung Fu Fighting”
A ninja’s training never ceases. He must constantly sharpen his skills as to always be ready for battle. It was written long ago in the 17th century that although training is a necessity…it can also be quite routine and boring. In the 7th decade of the 20th century, sensei Carl Douglass deemed it appropriate to add a unique training technique which included music and dance. By combining these elements (as demonstrated by the ninja master in the white robe) you can practice your skills in rhythm while also being prepared to rabbit punch any dance partners who don’t live up to the ninja dance code.
#8 Jay Chou “Ninja”
Although his career eludes the Western culture, Jay Chou is very much a ninja master in the Chinese music industry. Combining traditional Chinese instruments with the R&B, rap, and rock genres, Chou’s music has topped 28 million in worldwide album sales. And when you have sold that many albums, you have every right to become a ninja and protect the music video world.
#7 Matthew Ebel “Everybody Needs a Ninja”
Amen to that, brother. EVERYBODY needs a ninja sometimes to just get through the day! And the best part is, your stealth protector won’t get in the way of your everyday life. Apparently, ninjas drink their own beer and you don’t have to buy them expensive weapons because “they can kill with sheets of paper, they don’t need no stinking knife.” One thing that Ebel with have to learn though, judging by the end of the video, is to make sure your ninja always protects the cameraman.
#6 Classified featuring David Myles “Inner Ninja”
Training a ninja at a young age will help him to unleash his fists of fury when bullies provoke. Even babies can be taught the ways of a ninja. “Inner Ninja” follows the path of a young grasshopper who embraces the strength, skill, and cunning of the ninja order to take back his bag of gummi worms…with honor. Proof positive that little ninjas inflict big pain.
#5 The Fold “Weekend Whip” (Lego Ninjago Theme)
Lego Ninjago, “the masters of Spinjitzu,” use this clever music video to entice children into becoming ninja apprentices. The music video follows a young ninja who trains in his house after school and accidentally finds himself in the world of Lego Ninjago. After bewildering his skeleton combatants, he then gets kicked back into reality just in time to finish his journey by jamming along with The Fold. If ever there was a recruiting tool for yellow-faced, claw-handed ninjas, this is it.
#4 Vanilla Ice “Ninja Rap”
One might say that Vanilla Ice’s career took a ninja throwing star to the throat after this song. But you have to give him some cred for allowing the Teenage Mutant Turtle variety of ninjas to crash his party and for having a ninja song prepared for just such an occasion. It’s too bad the secret of the ooze turned out to be Vanilla Ice’s agent’s vomit.
#3 Europe “Ninja”
A ninja rock anthem for the ages. Using a microphone stand as a bo staff and drum sticks as nunchucks, Europe assassinates many songs bearing the ninja name on its way to telling “stories, legends, and tales of war.” Hellworks Studios uses a classic performance by the band with seamless ninja footage to provide audio and visual euphoria. I will say that big hair and leather pants make for an excellent ninja disguise.
#2 Presidents of the USA “Peaches”
LOOKOUT!!! I always wondered why this nice three man band would be the target of a Shinobi attack. Maybe the ninjas were hungry for peaches? Maybe all ninjas were Garth Brooks fans in the 90s? Either way, the PUSA held their ground and valiantly saved…their instruments?… from certain danger.
#1 Brandon Flowers “Crossfire”
Wife Pretty Ninja Assassin. Need I say more?
Jason Gross (@SockOfFleagulls) is the creator of Rediscover the 80s and loves to subject his two sons to cartoons, TV, movies, and music from the decade. Currently promoting a M.A.S.K. live-action movie script (co-writer), he is a freelance 80s music & pop culture writer.