Growing up in both Massachusetts and Florida, August was always my least favorite month. August brought forth Indian Summer – a hot as balls revisit of the worst of June and July – as well as beginning the final countdown towards the end of Summer Vacation.
So with some trepidation, I set forth on this task trying to find something to like about August. And what I discovered was astounding – some shocking synchronicity, some adoration of food, and Macklemore’s favorite holiday.
First off, August has the noble responsibility of being Water Quality Month. While I’m certainly happy that we’re recognizing the importance of good water filters and the Culligan Man, I think we can all agree that Water Quality is something that should be observed year round.
August is also Romance Awareness Month – which I’d like to point out to my wife says nothing about Romance Enactment…I don’t need to be romantic, I merely need to be aware that romance exists.
That aside, here are 12 ridiculous holidays for you to celebrate in this, the hottest of months:
August 5th: Work Like a Dog Day I’m particularly a big fan of this one. I understand the first thing that comes to mind when hearing ‘work like a dog’ are visions of fall down exhausted days of hard labor, but as a dog owner, I know exactly how little my pooch does in a given day.
Tessie’s ‘work’ responsibilities appear to involve the following: Sleeping, Farting, Eating, Drinking Water, Getting Belly Rubs, Farting, Pooping, Peeing, Playing Fetch, Sleeping, Farting, Eating Again, Drinking Water Again, Stealing Food, Sleeping, and Farting. My dog is living the American Dream…and the least I can do is celebrate that on August 5th.
August 6th: Wiggle Your Toes Day Why this has it’s own holiday, I’ll never know, as the origins of the holiday are lost to space and time. But I’m willing to overlook that, and celebrate happily by rocking a pair of Reef’s and letting my toes breathe for the day. Celebrate this one by kicking your flip-flops off and running barefoot in the yard with your kids or your dog, and celebrate the meaning of summer.
August 8th: Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day Zucchini is one of my favorite vegetables, so I’m crossing my fingers that the good people of Altamonte Springs celebrate this year (though I’m not holding my breath).
The origins of this holiday are actually quite logical: zucchini is a ridiculously prolific fruit, and farmers oftentimes had a ton of extra zucchini after harvest and sales. Thusly, those crazy soil workers would sneak onto their neighbor’s property and leave their extra zucchini on the porch. Ridiculous, sure, but I bet if we practiced this now, our obesity problems would drop ever so slightly. And if there’s also a ‘Sneak Some Asparagus Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day’, I’ll happily celebrate that, too.
August 9th: Book Lover’s Day As someone who reads voraciously, Book Lover’s Day is a no-brainer for me (though, truth be told, that’s pretty much every day of the year for me).
I’d love to see this celebrated in the same way that National Read Comics In Public Day is celebrated – people grabbing their favorite reading material; be it book, magazine, comic, newspaper, or Kindle; and sitting somewhere and sharing their love of reading.
August 10th: Lazy Day and August 15th: Relaxation Day Here we enter our first of two holidays being in synch with each other. With August being the final month of Summer Vacation, it’s only logical that we have two days to celebrate doing nothing. Some of my favorite days of vacay were spent in honor of my personal savior, Ferris Beueller, and the pursuit of that perfect level of leisure. If only this matched up this year to be a Monday thru Friday…I’d burn 5 days of PTO in celebration.
August 10th: National S’Mores Day and August 30th: Toasted Marshmallow Day And now for the second of our finely paired holidays, a delicious celebration of ooey gooey toasted marshmallows!
One of my favorite memories as a kid was eating s’mores on camping trips in New Hampshire, and then skewering marshmallows on sticks, setting them on fire, and running through the woods with my cousins. As a geek dad, I’m thinking that celebrating these with the little dude this year are a must-do.
August 14th: National Creamsicle Day The hottest month gets the day with the coolest treat. I challenge anyone to name a more perfect popsicle than the Creamsicle – frozen orange sherbet surrounding vanilla ice cream – a blend of delicious flavors and confections that made every summer day better.
An employee of mine a few years ago celebrated a project’s completion by bringing in a box of Creamsicles for our team to enjoy – and 30+ twenty-something adults all transformed into kids, sitting in the breakroom reminiscing about the good memories of the hard work we’d just done. Yeah…Creamsicles rule.
August 17th: National Thriftshop Day Walk into the club like ‘What up, I got a big…’ With Macklemore’s Thriftshop still sitting in the top 30 on the Billboard Hot 100, I can definitely see this holiday becoming one that people celebrate. Think of the possibilities: the 17th is a Saturday this year, the last weekend before most colleges start their fall semester, and it’s perfect for a theme party. One flyer, a $10 limit on spending, and you have to put together your entire wardrobe for the night based on what you find at your local thrift shop.
August 18th: Bad Poetry Day A haiku, if you’ll indulge me:
August is so hot
And so are the gates of hell
Creamsicles will help
#callback
August 30th: Frankenstein Day And we wrap up the month of August by celebrating one of literature’s great characters, one of film’s finest tragic figures, and one of cereal’s greatest mascots. Celebrating the birth of the book’s author, Mary Shelly, Frankenstein Day finds itself sadly celebrated on the same day as National Toasted Marshmallow Day.
Sad, of course, because of Frankies aversion to fire…preventing the monster from partaking of the ambrosia that is a s’more.
