The 10 Worst Movies Ever (According to Battle Armor Joe)

On the latest UnderScoopFire podcast I mentioned the worst two movies I’ve ever seen. It was brought up by Tank that I should do a top 10 list, half joking I’m sure, but I decided to take a stab at it (plus it’s been eons since I’ve written a post for USF).

Now, after you read the list AND before you decide to harass me on Twitter, know that this is all in fun and shouldn’t be taken serious (even though I’m 100% serious about this list).

So without further adieu, here is Joe’s top 10 suckiest movies (as of right now):

10. Fight Club

First rule of fight club= the movie sucks.

9. The Prestige

Batman, Wolverine, Alfred and some hot chicks.  Still bad.

8. Every Jason Bateman movie from 2008-2013

OK, technically not a movie. Let me clarify: Hancock, Couples Retreat, The Switch, Horrible Bosses, The Change-Up, Identity Theft.  Mr. Bateman you owe me some money and I want my time back. (He gets a pass for any Arrested Development work)

7. Looper

I know a lot of people liked it. Me? 15 minutes in and I had to turn this bad boy off. Snooze fest.

6. Sin City

Based on the graphic novel, fan boys were creaming in their pants. Not even Jessica Alba’s dance moves can save it.

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Holy crap! They did so much walking in this movie, I was getting dehydrated. The greatest debate between the “trilogies” happened in Clerks II.

4. The Notebook

Hey girl…stuff like this doesn’t happen in real life. Sorry.

3. The Muppets Take Manhattan

Didn’t like the Muppets as a kid. Can’t stand them as an adult. When are they going to serve Kermit in a French restaurant and Miss Piggy in my favorite BBQ joint?

2. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Two best things I got out of this movie: Alison Pill and Anna Kendrick. Otherwise it can take a hike. Overrated.

1. Titanic

Spoiler Alert! The ship STILL sinks and this crazy old lady casually drops a blue diamond called “the heart of the ocean” over the side. I know the movie made a bazillion dollars. Still. Meh.

Honorable Mention

• Citizen Kane. Another SPOILER ALERT, it’s a sled.
• Lost. Ya, it’s not a movie. But anytime I can take a swipe at that show, I will.

Battle Armor Joe (@SharePointJoe) has spent 12 years in the technology field but his true desire is to be a LEGO Minifigure.