The 11 Weirdest Things My Kids Asked for This Christmas

by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

My friend Tank recently asked me what the boys were asking Santa for this Christmas. It was only upon seeing these items from their wish lists written in our text conversation that I realized just how odd some of their requests are.

Our kids are pretty much your typical 6 and 2 year-old American boys, so that’s why it’s a little shocking that:

The two year old asked for the Band of Brothers DVD box set  

I mean, great show, but why go DVD when the Blu-ray set is available?


The six year old asked for “2 teaspoons of Allspice and a bay leaf”

I guess it’s for a recipe he’s working on.


The two year old asked for “crayons and cash”

The crayons I totally get, but doesn’t the money feel kind of impersonal? He said he “doesn’t even need the card”.


The six year old asked us to start DVRing The Talk 

Something about “missing the Amy Brenneman episode was the last straw”.


The two year old asked for a mini-fridge for his room

He’s trying to “simplify his workflow” in 2016, and apparently asking mom and dad for milk is an unnecessary step.


The six year old asked if they make Activia in “Gogurt style tubes”

Even if they did, he doesn’t need to ask Santa for them. We take digestive health very seriously all year ’round.


The two year old asked if Santa could vacuum up “all the brown logs in the back yard”

We call those ‘yard cigars’ son, and they’ll turn white and harmless eventually.


The six year old asked if they make Funko Pop! China Beach figures

What the? He hasn’t even finished the Tet Offensive episode yet.


The two year old asked for us to “set him up with a Tinder account”

Not happening kid, we JUST got the six year old on there this year.


The six year old asked for a four-minute meet and greet with Vanna White

That’s a really specific amount of time. What do you have planned, you rascal?


They both asked for “a body like Dad’s”

Huh! I had no idea they both aspire to be bodybuilders/fitness models. I guess the apples really don’t fall far from the (super ripped) tree.

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