Hey Warner Bros., Time-Traveling Water Bottles and My Cholesterol – Can We Talk?

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Can We Talk?

Welcome to another week of Can We Talk?. A hot air balloon went over my house the other day. It was quite a surprise! Let’s begin.

 

Hey Warner Bros. – Can We Talk?

There’s still some murkiness surrounding the details, but at this point it seems pretty safe to report that Jason Momoa, best known as Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones, is going to play Aquaman in your DC cinematic universe. Believe me, no one is more excited to see Aquaman on the big screen than I am [Exhibit A, Exhibit B], but Momoa is about as Arthur Curry as Red Forman’s kid is Venom.

You couldn’t just give us Josh Holloway, could ya? Guy was born to play Aquaman. Between this bit of casting and the fact that one of the two opposing screenwriters who are simultaneously working on the Aquaman script (classy move, btw) also wrote 300, I feel like it’s safe to say this is where the Justice League turns into the empty “Zack Snyder Fantasy Sweaty Pectoral and Bicep Show” we all expected when he was placed at the helm of the DC movie-verse.

After seeing the teaser image of Gal Gadot as a very 300-looking Wonder Woman, and the way the rest of the Snyder-verse (and the Nolan-verse before it) is visually trending, I had already resigned myself to the fact that we wouldn’t see orange anywhere near DC’s King of the Sea. But one thing I had held out hope for was the signature blond hair.

Aquaman stood apart from Hal Jordan, Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent because his lighter follicular shade gave him a distinct look. My blond-haired 5 year old son identifies with his Aquaman action figure because it looks like him, and gives him a similarly-coiffed superhero to idolize. Aquaman needs his blond hair as much as Batman needs his cowl, and Green Lantern his ring. It’s his unique identifier. I say it’s a Momoa bleach job or we riot. Actually, I’m done. I’m done getting worked up over casting news. There’s no point. They can cast a plate of nachos to play Cyborg and I’ll say nothing.

my last fuck

 

Hey My Cholesterol – Can We Talk?

My wife took our two sons to visit family in Virginia and South Carolina for two weeks. She was afraid I’d survive on frozen pizza and chips in their absence. The photo below is what I came home from the grocery store with. Please note, the ground turkey is lean. The curly fries are not.

man food

So to my cholesterol and overall health I apologize, but it’s not every week that I get to cook for one and spend the entire evening binge watching Game of Thrones and checking fantasy baseball stats. I’ll have a salad in September.

 

Hey Downton Abbey Promo Team – Can We Talk?

Your show is set in the 1920s, yes? Best not to let a recyclable plastic water bottle photobomb your promotional images.

downton abbey_opt

 

Hey You – Can We Talk? 

I know this has been a heavy week in both pop culture/entertainment and current events. I can’t add anything that hasn’t been said, and I feel our podcast producer was very thoughtful and comprehensive in his tribute to Robin Williams. I found it hard to focus on much of anything, and struggled to find subjects to make light of (which essentially is the purpose of this column).

I want to take a moment to let everyone within eyeshot of this post know that I appreciate you, and not just for being here in particular, but for being with me on this ride. Life is short. Sometimes we forget to stop and appreciate each other, and that’s a shame.

I leave you with this eight McDonald’s Changeable salute. Have a great weekend.

mcdonalds changeables

CWT? is a weekly post in which we pull aside a few deserving people, places and things and ask- Can We Talk?

top image via Business Insider

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Cold Slither Podcast August 15, 2014 at 12:23 am

Next week? A very special Howie Decker on a treadmill EKG test edition of “Can We Talk?”

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HowardTheDeck August 15, 2014 at 8:21 am

Being a child of the 80s, when I hear “very special” edition of anything I think someone’s gonna die or get sexually assaulted. So let’s HOPE none of that happens in next week’s CWT, but I guess you never know…

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Lamar the Revenger August 15, 2014 at 8:18 am

Gadot: Eye Candy for the men. Momoa: Eye Candy for the women.

Wife is leaving for Dallas on Saturday for a business trip. During this time, Big Revenger & Little Revenger will be eating cheese sticks, ice cream sandwiches, Hot Pockets, fast food.

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Jason G August 15, 2014 at 9:39 am

(Gaffigan impression) Hot pockets…

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HowardTheDeck August 15, 2014 at 10:16 am

I’ll never again hear about Hot Pockets and not think of Gaffigan. That’s the impact of a great stand up bit.

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Jason G August 15, 2014 at 9:48 am

The wife always laughs at me for my sunflower seed, BBQ chips, and beef jerky habit (not all together, but that would make one manly snack.)

I think guys are the only ones who buy pizza rolls cause we want to dip everything. I mean, Papa Johns gives us that garlic butter sause to dip, right? But what do we have to do…wait til we get to the crust to fit it in there. Not with pizza rolls. Tostino’s needs to include the garlic butter sauce WITH the pizza rolls immediately #MatchMadeInHeaven

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HowardTheDeck August 15, 2014 at 10:17 am

OOH. That is a snack food innovation that rivals the one I suggested on an upcoming ep of the eclectik discussion podcast premiering August 28!(#CheapPlug)

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Clarence August 15, 2014 at 10:31 am

Ah, the more garlic butter sauce, the better.

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HowardTheDeck August 15, 2014 at 10:37 am

fact.

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HowardTheDeck August 15, 2014 at 10:18 am

I always loved that they had him star in an Aquaman movie and kept comparing it to Tobey’s Spider-Man film. That was cool.

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Clarence August 15, 2014 at 10:31 am

I’m all “whatever” about casting choices for the movie Justice League. I’m more concerned with how the stories will turn out.

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HowardTheDeck August 15, 2014 at 10:37 am

I have to agree with you at this point. I wasn’t pumped about the casting of Chris Evans as Cap, and he has knocked it out of the park. I’m done CASTING judgment. (see what I did?)

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Dex August 15, 2014 at 3:01 pm

Maybe Snyder’s trying to compensate Aquaman for always being seen as a wimp. I stood next to Jason at a con last weekend and I would not start a fight with this dude even without him having any super powers (fish realted or not)

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HowardTheDeck August 17, 2014 at 11:39 am

Nothing like a first hand account to validate the casting choice! Thanks for sharing that insight. You know, you make a great point. If they had cast a blonde clean cut actor that looks like the 80s Super Friends Aquaman I’d probably bitch about that even harder. Maybe Momoa will usher in the “badass Arthur” version of Aquaman. Actually, I’m betting we don’t even get a “land, alter ego” version of Aquaman, so he won’t even need a human identity (like there is no “Donald Blake” in the Thor movies). He’ll exist only as the King of the Sea.

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Dex August 17, 2014 at 6:10 pm

The Aquaman pilot they did back in the Smallville days was not bad.The writing more than anything is what will make or break him in a movie. If they’re doing a Reverse Marvel*, putting everyone together and then (maybe?) giving them solo movies, it might work in their favor.

*Reverse Marvel – insert your own sex joke here

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HowardTheDeck August 28, 2014 at 8:37 pm

The Reverse Marvel is much harder than it looks

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Kevin Hellions August 18, 2014 at 11:53 pm

I want that McDonald’s gif to play after every successful dump I take. Hooray! Who feels 5 pounds lighter? You do, you do big guy.

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