The 11 Weirdest Things My Kids Asked for This Christmas

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Christmas, Funny

My friend Tank recently asked me what the boys were asking Santa for this Christmas. It was only upon seeing these items from their wish lists written in our text conversation that I realized just how odd some of their requests are.

Our kids are pretty much your typical 6 and 2 year-old American boys, so that’s why it’s a little shocking that:

The two year old asked for the Band of Brothers DVD box set  

ross in band of brothers

I mean, great show, but why go DVD when the Blu-ray set is available?

 

The six year old asked for “2 teaspoons of Allspice and a bay leaf”

I guess it’s for a recipe he’s working on.

 

The two year old asked for “crayons and cash”

crayons_opt

The crayons I totally get, but doesn’t the money feel kind of impersonal? He said he “doesn’t even need the card”.

 

The six year old asked us to start DVRing The Talk 

the talk

Something about “missing the Amy Brenneman episode was the last straw”.

 

The two year old asked for a mini-fridge for his room

minifridge milk

He’s trying to “simplify his workflow” in 2016, and apparently asking mom and dad for milk is an unnecessary step.

 

The six year old asked if they make Activia in “Gogurt style tubes”

activia

Even if they did, he doesn’t need to ask Santa for them. We take digestive health very seriously all year ’round.

 

The two year old asked if Santa could vacuum up “all the brown logs in the back yard”

We call those ‘yard cigars’ son, and they’ll turn white and harmless eventually.

 

The six year old asked if they make Funko Pop! China Beach figures

CHINA BEACH show

What the? He hasn’t even finished the Tet Offensive episode yet.

 

The two year old asked for us to “set him up with a Tinder account”

tinder

Not happening kid, we JUST got the six year old on there this year.

 

The six year old asked for a four-minute meet and greet with Vanna White

vanna white

That’s a really specific amount of time. What do you have planned, you rascal?

 

They both asked for “a body like Dad’s”

Huh! I had no idea they both aspire to be bodybuilders/fitness models. I guess the apples really don’t fall far from the (super ripped) tree.




{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Hail Mary December 24, 2015 at 11:44 am

Sounds like a pretty great Christmas list to me, except I’d only need two minutes with Vanna.

Reply

Dex1138 (@Dex1138) December 27, 2015 at 6:22 pm

Four minutes with Vanna White is pretty much all you need, amirite?

Reply

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