Under Armour’s 13 Failed Expansion Plans

by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck on July 1, 2012

in Funny, Lists

Happy Friday the 13th!

 

In observance, we bring you Under Armour’s 13 failed attempts to expand in to other industries.

As you know by now, we like to do silly shit here at UnderScoopFire. This will be no different.

 

13. Under Armour’s failed attempt to create a secret paramilitary group that defends Southeast Asian countries:

 

12. Under Armour’s failed attempt to provide security detail at Disney Parks:

 

11. Under Armour’s failed attempt to assist Katie Holmes in filing for divorce:

 

10. Under Armour’s failed attempt to insure the family assets of Levi’s Jeans founder:

 

9. Under Armour’s failed attempt in 2010 to get Darth Vader back into Lucasfilm’s good graces:

 

8. Under Armour’s attempt to protect player’s rights to pour Gatorade on their coach:

 

7. Under Armour’s failed attempt to patent a revolutionary stain-blocking treatment:

 

6. Wait –

Are these even remotely funny? We think so, but if not we’ll stop here and spare you from the rest.

Hit the comments or let us know on Facebook or Twitter if we should post the final 6!

 

 

Brian Morin July 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

These are BJOW funny. Painful, but for some reason, I want more.

Lamar the Revenger July 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I agree with Brian.. Afraid to see where the rest will take me but like a bad adult film want to see more..

shezcrafti July 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

As a connoisseur of tacky puns, tasteless humor and terrible jokes, I declare it mildly-humorous but clever. I’ve bookmarked this page for when I need more words to rhyme with Laos for the rap song I’m writing about Kahn Souphanousinphone.

Jason G July 14, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I think I heard Googs drop a “JFC” after that first paragraph…I say why not.

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