Three-For-All | Trebek’s Indecent Proposal, Bathroom Stall Decorum

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Three For All

Thanks for joining us for this week’s Three-For-All!

Last week we learned who to put at the top of the suspects list if Kristen Wiig goes missing, that Justin Bieber is the lesser of three evils, and that we’ve collectively watched a LOT of regrettable hours of television.

On to this week’s crop of queries, feel free to answer all three or just the ones you like. As always, your follow up questions are welcome as well!

 

1.  You enter a public restroom that features two lockable stalls. You pass stall #1, enter stall #2 (because it’s larger) and commence business. During your business, you hear three other individuals enter the restroom at separate times, each swinging the door open to use stall #1, only to change their mind and leave the restroom entirely. One of them even audibly remarks “Whoa.” before leaving. When you finish your business, do you swing stall #1’s door open to see what horror turned away 3 potential users, or do you assume the worst and pass by without peeking, kicking your morbid curiosity to the curb?

 

2.  Would you agree to appear on Jeopardy! if the only stipulation was that if you finished with under $5000 Alex Trebek could rub his mustache anywhere on your body he wants for 4 minutes?

 

3.  After meat, cheese and shell, what’s the next most essential taco ingredient?

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

@eclectik September 25, 2014 at 12:25 am

1. I have to see what’s in the stall … and Im putting it on instagram, I may even claim responsibility for it … Im guessing it was explosive diarrhea after a Bacon, Egg, Jalapeno, Bologna, Mozzarella, Alfredo, Sour Cream and Chive, Caramel dipped Burrito from Shitpotle

2. Im guaranteed to end up with negative money, so rub summa that whisk broom all over my person.

3. Has to be lettuce, because its the cold crisp element … you need to balance with the hot meat (see that?) … I almost said sauce but no. so there.

B1 You must create your own soda, the flavor has to be 2 fruits and 1 candy or cereal, and what is the name?

B2 If you were guaranteed an extra $3,000 a month after taxes would you agree to let your boss hit you with a steel chair like in wrestling once a week (at anytime … no warning)?

B3 What would be your original Smurf name?

B4 Would you rather snort cookie dough or have a milkshake enema?

Reply

HowardTheDeck September 25, 2014 at 8:36 am

I usually get the Bacon, Egg, Jalapeno, Bologna, Mozzarella, Alfredo, Sour Cream and Chive, Caramel dipped Shitpotle Burrito WITHOUT chives, which always upsets the employees. They HATE picking the chives out of the sour cream, but F ’em.

As far as the cold crisp element of the tacos, do you need to keep the hot and cold separate tho? Like a McDLe?

B1. Blueberry + Banana + Cracklin’ Oat Bran = Fiber Fanta – the soda that “keeps you going”

B2. I’d take the 3k Chair Shot Raise if my boss takes care of me (ie. hits me the “right” way). If he’s a non wrestling fan and would actually hit me the way a real person would swing a chair if they were trying to hurt someone (so NOT the WWE way), I’d say HELL no.

B3. Farty

B4. I guess the enema, as the food would end up somewhere it is ultimately OK to be. I don’t think the nasal passage is a great place for food.

Reply

@eclectik September 25, 2014 at 8:44 am

Farty Smurf? What color hat?

I once applied to be chief chive picker at my local Shitpotle … I didnt get the job because I have 4 thumbs and 1 finger on my left hand.

McDLe’s are delicious, I have an extra compartment to keep the soggy side soggy

Mmmm Oat Bran soda

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Jason G September 25, 2014 at 10:25 am

Farty Smurf’s hat has to be brown.

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Lamar the Revenger September 25, 2014 at 12:32 pm

E Bonus 1: Rasberry Grape Luckies
E Bonus 2: Once a week? Sure.
E Bonus 3: Gassy Smurf.
E Bonus 4: Milkshake enema seems less painful

Reply

bmorin54 September 25, 2014 at 12:32 am

1. You have to look, even though you know that it will be an image that become engraved into your memories. No matter how tramatic it might be, it’s got to be done,
2. I’ve been trying to get on Jeopardy for years and would absolutely agree to that stipulation, and here’s why. I am so confident in my knowledge of Jeopardy style information that I can guarantee with 99% certainty that if I ever do make the show I will absolutely have more than that much. And even if I do lose and Trebek gives my a mustache massage, I think it will be more awkward for him than it would be for me.
3. I love tacos, and load them up with as many toppings as I can fit (and then overload it some more.) and I’m going to go with lettuce. I’ve run out of salsa, sour cream, tomatoes, and olives before and still enjoyed a taco. But, if we don’t have lettuce, we make something else.

Bonus: If you had the ability to time travel to either the future or the past but could only make one journey there and back, to what year would you travel, why, and what, if anything, would you bring back with you?

Reply

HowardTheDeck September 25, 2014 at 8:30 am

At this point I think I’D risk the Trebek stache’ rub just to see you on Jeopardy!.

Bonus: If I can bring back a person, I’d go to any year pre-2005 and bring back my dad. If no people, I’d say 1989 and I’d cram as much stuff from my room in as many dufflebags as possible.

Reply

Lamar the Revenger September 25, 2014 at 12:37 pm

Brian Bonus: 1994. I would try to snag most of the comics, non sport cards, and all my toys (especially the toys) before my mom’s late husband sold it all for $300.

Reply

Stacey Rader September 25, 2014 at 9:49 am

1. I’d totally look. Then I’d thank my lucky stars I no longer work in retail and have to clean up a store bathroom.

2. Bring it on! I was in the contestant pool for Jeopardy! a few years ago, though my coworker got selected over me. (She fits the stereotype–brainy, single, middle-aged woman, and I just didn’t.) I’d still like to be on the show someday, and I think I’d do pretty well. If not? Well, the mustache thing isn’t really a downside for me. Trebek’s kinda hot.

3. I have to have some kinda hot sauce. Preferably Cholula of some kind.

B1 Pineapple, orange, and Frankenberry – Call it Monster Punch

B2 If she does it wrestling style, fine. If not, I’m not sure how long I’d be employed with extensive head trauma.

B3 Since I’m a girl, I’d probably have to be Smurfette, too. Or Branchy (as in, “Yay! Now our Smurf Family Tree will have two branches!”)

B4 Snorting cookie dough sounds the most appealing. At least I’d get to enjoy the smell of it.

Bmorin Bonus: I’d travel back to 1988 and bring my toybox back with me. That was about the time I started getting rid of toys, and I’d love to see all of the random little toys I used to have.

Stacey Bonus: If you had the choice, would you rather play Mousetrap with Admiral Ackbar for 12 hours (knowing every five seconds he’d yell, “It’s a trap!”) or take a 12-hour road trip with Edith and Archie Bunker singing in the backseat nonstop?

Reply

@eclectik September 25, 2014 at 10:05 am

Monster punch is great!

Id have to take the road trip, even though I KNOW they’d smell, and edith would probably fart the whole way … but I couldnt stand staring at Ackbar’s head so close … he probably slobbers too.

Reply

HowardTheDeck September 25, 2014 at 10:36 am

Monster Punch sounds yum, and I want a Branchy Smurf figure.

Stacey Bonus: I’d go with Ackbar, because the first 1400 times he said it I would laugh, and after that I’d just tune it out. At least you get a slight break between outbursts. The Bunkers singing however, would be cute for the first half mile of that trip, and everything after that would be straight horror.

Reply

Stacey Rader September 26, 2014 at 8:52 am

I’m with you. I love the Bunkers, but one time through “Those Were The Days” is enough for me.

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Lamar the Revenger September 25, 2014 at 12:29 pm

Stacey Bonus: Archie & Edith. I’d sing along after awhile

Reply

Stacey Rader September 26, 2014 at 8:59 am

You’re a brave soul. I feel like that caterwauling would shred my eardrums and send me into road rage.

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Jason G September 25, 2014 at 10:24 am

I love it that Ecletik comes prepared with like another whole quiz each week.

1. Hell no. If I have to take a duke in a public restroom, I’m hovering and flushing with my foot.
2. Only if it was Rock N Roll Jeopardy.
3. Sauce. Specifically, Verde sauce if I’m at Taco Bell. Love that stuff.

E1. Has to be a cola. Let’s go with Pineappe, Coconut, Fruity Pebbles and call it Island Pepsi.
E2. Depends on my emminent injures. As long as their is no permanent damage, I’d do it for about 6 months or a year.
E3. Retro Smurf. I’d be a history teacher to the young Smurfs.
E4. Either one doesn’t sound comfortable but since I’m a little lactose intolerant, cookie dough fix it is.

Morin: I’d try to go back in time to like the Knight Rider set, steal a K.I.T.T., and hide it in a cave somewhere so when I came back, I could find it. (twist on BTTF III trick)

Stacey: LOL. Admiral Akbar playing Mouse Trap is the funniest thing I’ve heard in awhile. I’d do that. No way I could put up with “dingbat” singing for more than 10 minutes.

MY BONUS: You have the opportunity to make Halloween an official USA holiday. You decide to make it the last Friday in October every year to make it a paid weekday off. What new traditions would you encourage people to do with their new 3-day Halloween weekend?

Reply

HowardTheDeck September 25, 2014 at 10:30 am

ISLAND PEPSI sounds amazing and I want it. So, I get it about the hover and foot flush, I think we all do that, but you wouldn’t be tempted to look at what horror next to you turned away so many others?

Retro Smurf is great.

GROSS BONUS: I would encourage TWO days of Trick or Treating = one for the kids on Thursday night (since Friday is an off day) and then Friday night adults Trick or Treat (the non participants can watch our kids) and people hand out beers and Buffalo Wild Wings gift cards and Cadbury S’creme Eggs

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Jason G September 25, 2014 at 10:42 am

No way I’m looking. I hate public restrooms. I’m the guy that risks a speeding ticket just to go home and poop in my own bathroom. Work is somewhat okay but not at like a Walmart. I also figure between raising 3 kids and a 14 year old dog, I’ve seen just about everything that can be pooped or yacked at this point.

BTW, your adult trick or treating idea is awesome. I’m not sure which adults would stay home to pass out the goodies, but I do like the handing the kids over to non participants part.

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HowardTheDeck September 25, 2014 at 10:31 am

oh and yes! I praised e on a recent podcast about how he BRINGS IT to the Three-For-All each week. He leaves it all on the field, and goddamnit I respect that.

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Lamar the Revenger September 25, 2014 at 12:40 pm

Jason Bonus: Child friendly Halloween items. Ban all costumes that suddenly need to ‘sexy’ (sexy kindergarden teacher, sexy janitor, sexy nun)

Reply

Lamar the Revenger September 25, 2014 at 12:27 pm

. Look. It’s the custodian in me..
2. Speed in answering is my biggest downfall. So no.
3. Lettuce.

Lamar Bonus: in honor of RetroCon this weekend, if you had all costume & accesories needed, when OBSCURE retro character would you be? (Ex. Hector Ramirez, Glove, Tiger-Man)

Reply

HowardTheDeck September 25, 2014 at 1:23 pm

BONUS: Sundown from C.O.P.S.

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Jason G September 25, 2014 at 2:11 pm

Whoa Howie went deep on that one. We need more C.O.P.S. in the world.
I’ll go with Turbo Teen in mid transformation. Red jump suit, car hood helmet/mask, tires as hands, and a bumper butt.

Good call on the sexy costumes. If I’m ever turned on by a sexy Ghostbuster, you all have my permission to zap me with a proton pack and say “nice shootin’, Tex” afterward.

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Dex September 26, 2014 at 4:18 pm

1. Of course I look. At that point, I’d be pleasantly surprised if it was something like a dead hooker.

2. Hell yeah. As long as I figure out the timing to ring in, I’m confident I could do at least $5k.
Follow up: Would you change your answer if he rubbed it one place for all 4 minutes?

3. Gots to have lettuce and tomato. I’d be perfectly happy with those things, even without sour cream. I don’t do hot sauce.

B1. Watermelon + Cherry + Frosted Toast Crunch called “Because Sugar, F- You!”
Or Grape + Orange + watermelon Jolly Rancher called “What? It’s Not Racist.”
B2. Hell no, would take a lot more money. Amount of money is proportionate to size of boss.
B3. That Smurf. Hey, have you seen That Smurf? Which Smurf? THAT Smurf! Which one now?
B4. Cool relaxing enema.

Bmorin: I’m a simple guy really. Tomorrow’s lottery numbers.

Stacey: Ackbar, there’s no way he’d last 12 hours without needing some kind of hydration.

Reply

HowardTheDeck September 29, 2014 at 7:44 am

I legit laughed out loud at your follow up. Almost lost my coffee.

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Dex September 29, 2014 at 9:04 am

See, I wasn’t sure if that was the original intent or if you meant all over but I figured it was the latter.

Reply

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