20 ‘Tommy Boy’ Quotes You Should Still be Using in Everyday Conversation

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Lists, Movies

With Tommy Boy turning 20 years old this March, there’s no better time to take a look at one of the most quotable movies of our time. Tommy Boy’s most repeatable lines have aged finely over the last two decades and have taken their place alongside Caddyshack and Ferris Bueller quotes at corporate gatherings and social situations everywhere.

Here are 20 Tommy Boy quotes you should be using in everyday conversation:

“Are you talking?”

Practical Application: Limitless. If you drop an “Are you talking?” on anyone in any conversation or situation, you win.

 

“Him too afraid to get out. He just a little guy!”

The clip below is rife is quotable lines like “It’s go time!” and “Look mommy, the rhino’s getting too close to the car!”, but the mass everyday quotability begins around the 1:30 mark.

Practical Application: “He just a wittle guy” is excellent verbiage for calling out your friend who’s afraid to make a move on that special someone, or your coworker who’s afraid to ask for that raise they deserve. Bonus points for the baby talk delivery method.

 

“If I wanted a kiss, I’d call your mother!”

[see ‘Go Time!’ clip above]

Practical Application: This is top shelf trash talk. Use at your discretion.

 

“Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.”

Practical Application: Perfect verbal accompaniment to any greeting that warrants a physical gesture greater than a handshake.

Bonus fun: Pretend the character above is “Con artist Rob Lowe”, and “he has cable.”

 

“Did I catch a ‘niner’ in there?”

Practical Application: When someone trails off in conversation, or mumbles important information. Also if you discover Colin Kaepernick in your cookie jar OH GOD THAT WAS TERRIBLE.

 

“I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.”

“Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it?”

And perhaps Tommy Boy’s most quotable line: “No wait, it’s gotta be your bull.”

Practical Application: Any time general confusion has pervaded the situation. “No wait, it’s gotta be your bull” has become my verbal ‘back out of the room casually’ when all decorum is lost.

 

“Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?”

Practical Application: Use liberally every time you knock on a door anywhere. Also feel free to use “Need sleepie” when necessary, particularly in homes with small children.

 

“Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.”

Practical Application: You know when to use this one. I hope you also know when to turn your phone on its side when recording videos of classic movie scenes off of your television.

 

“Not here… and not here so much… but right here.”

Practical Application: Spice up any situation that involves proximity or the approximation of general whereabouts with this classic Tommy line.

 

“Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. Allriiight.”

Practical Application: When someone has taken more than what society has agreed upon as a reasonable amount of time to complete any task or objective. Feel free to deploy this line with or without David Spade’s very McConaughey-ish “allriiight” tacked on the end.

 

“Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?”

Practical Application: Capitalize on your friend’s next colossal brain fart or shameful gas station dance with this fun barb.

 

“What’d you do?”

Practical Application: A comically incredulous “What’d you do?” is best practice for eluding the blame for absolutely anything.

 

“I’m gonna go get directions to our next huge embarrassing failure.”

“Get yourself a new map.”

[Regarding sarcasm]: “Well, I should hope so, because I’m laying it on pretty thick.”

Practical Application: Limitless applications for all three.

 

“Do you know where the weight room is? I’ll check it out.”

Practical Application: This particular gem has maximum effect when delivered by someone who by all appearances would never actually be looking for the weight room. Like when I used to take my shirt off and ask “Which way to the beach?”.

 

“Fat guy in a liiittle coat. Fat guy in a little coooat.”

Practical Application: I don’t think I’ve put on an undersized garment of any kind, intentionally or otherwise, in the last 20 years and NOT sang “fat guy in a little coat”. This is the line that everyone knows whether they’ve seen Tommy Boy or not. Your gammy does “fat guy in a little coat” when she tries to squeeze into that housecoat from 1979. Every person that’s taken a scuba lesson in the last two decades has done “fat guy in a little coat” as they geared up to go diving.

 

“Richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision’?”

Practical Application: When you happen upon someone who might’ve been doing something.. private? OK, this one might not be an “everyday conversation” thing, unless you’re in college.

 

“La-la-la-loo-loo… Luuuke… Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu…”

Practical Application: Try to be near a running box/oscillating/desk fan and not do this.

 

“That’s gonna leave a mark.”

Practical Application: “That’s gonna leave a mark” is inarguably the most graceful bow you can put on any embarrassing physical blunder. Use as needed.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Jason February 17, 2015 at 6:07 pm

When someone walks passed me wearing heavy cologne, I still say “Whoa, went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume did ya?”

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