Friday Three-For-All | By the Power of Richard Simmons

Post image for Friday Three-For-All | By the Power of Richard Simmons

by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Three For All

Based on last week’s responses, it seems like everyone is ready and prepared for their own personal national scandals, you value the safety of your family and your possessions over your digestive health, and there are some interesting new periodicals on their way to newsstands everywhere.

You posed a veritable assload of new and awesome questions in the comments as well. I had a blast replying to them all.

On to this week’s questions- feel free to answer all or as many as you like, and leave a new question in the comments if you wish!


1. On national television: would you rather be the recipient of 5 minutes of Miley Cyrus twerking -OR- have a 20 minute televised personal aerobic workout with Richard Simmons?

2. Would you rather have Thor’s hammer in your living room but never be able to move it -OR- have keys to Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet but not know where to find it?

3. If there was heavy demand for an action figure of you, what company would you want to produce it and in what scale?


Looking forward to your replies!


{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Lamar the Revenger August 30, 2013 at 12:31 am

1. Richard Simmons workout! He’s always been my favorite!

2Tho’rs hammer. The invisible jet would be useless.

3. NECA in the scale of their Predator & Aliens line. They are excellent in their work. Honorable Mention. Mattel’s MOTUC scale.


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 9:56 am

I haven’t gotten into NECA like everyone else, not that I have anything against it. Those lines you mentioned seem great.


Kevin Hellions August 30, 2013 at 12:44 am

1. Oh geez. I really find Miley to be disgusting. But its not like Richard Simmons gives me a rager. I’m going with Richard Simmons. At least I’m guaranteed to get a work out during the day.

2. What the fuck would I do with a jet I cant find? At least Mjolnir is a hell of a conversation piece.

3. NECA or Hot Toys and at least 12 inches. Giggidy.

Bonus Question.
You can have sex with a cosplayer dressed up as your favorite sexiest pop culture character. However, it must be unprotected and you cant ask any sexual history questions previously to the act. Do you still go through with it?


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 9:59 am

“At least 12 inches” is a given with any Hellions action figure, AMIRITE?! HEY-o!

Good bonus question. I think if it’s unprotected there’s no way you skew skeevy with someone like Harley Quinn or a Walking Dead zombie. You have to go safe like Power Girl (hashtag boob window) or Supergirl. A nice clean look.


T2H August 30, 2013 at 1:49 am

1. Miley, as long as she borrows Richard Simmons’ shorty shorts, and wipes her ass clean of scabies with some Lysol products.

2. Thor.

3. Tonka, but bear with me. Tonka made the old school WWF wrestling buddies. I think in that form it would favorably encapsule me.


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 9:59 am

I sometimes forget that Lysol was originally created to rid asses of scabies


Corey Chapman (@chapmanrunner) August 30, 2013 at 7:46 am

1. I have a rule: if you have a Richard Simmons as a choice, you always take him.

2. Thor’s hammer.

3. I dont care what company would make my action figure as long as they make it to scale. And I want 187 points of articulation. And I want to come with ninja stars and a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi.


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 10:07 am

1. That rule is hilarious.

2. seems like the solid choice here

3. haha great accessories. Does the actual you even have 187 points of articulation? I guess if any of us do, it’d be you. #flexible #sexy #sexable


SharePointJoe August 30, 2013 at 7:59 am

1. Miley Cyrus. She’s so awesome!

2. Hammer de Thor.

3. I want me to be exactly like the MOTUC line. Right down to the 21 points of articulation. But maybe add a few more points of articulation (for my raging donger).


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 10:09 am

I love that you’re Team Cyrus. That’s your MOTUC name = Dong-Or


Hail Mary August 30, 2013 at 11:16 am

The raging donger could be interchangeable so you can switch between flacid and unused and extremely aroused.


Bianchi79 August 30, 2013 at 9:48 am

Simmons, I could use the exercise

I’ll take the plane. It will give me something to do the rest of my life (look for it)

I’d like my figure to be made by LJN in the WWF Superstars style. Simple and classic. Articulation just increases chance for breakage.

BONUS: Catwoman, and yes I go through with it no questions asked


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 10:10 am

LJN is a great call, love those figures. But take care not to wear the paint off with too many bodyslams!


Jason Gross (@SockOfFleagulls) August 30, 2013 at 10:30 am

1. Simmons. I could use any kind of workout at this point. I’ve heard twerking doesn’t burn many calories.

2. Thor’s hammer… At least your could show it off.

3. I’d want the classic MOTU size and articulation. I want to be ripped and have an interchangeable arm that you could plug in outdated 80s electronics. Like a boom box, brick phone, and Atari joystick.

Pass on the cosplay question. I’m not having sex with anyone wearing plastic, leather, or anything not easily removed.

My question: what remake/reboot movie that most people think was an abomination is a guilty pleasure? If have to say 90s Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick.


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 4:17 pm

I liked The Brady Bunch. Did everybody though? Not too guilty a pleasure. A-Team was fine. I really wish I liked that NBC Knight Rider reboot but that was hideous.


Hail Mary August 30, 2013 at 11:26 am

1. Simmons. Easily. Miley is a skank and Richard would be very entertaining. Remember him on that old Whose Line is it Anyway? Episode?
2. Thor’s hammer. I always thought the whole invisible jet thing was dumb.
3. Hasbro can make a 12″ figure of me if they want.
Hellions’ bonus- not into banging random cosplayer sluts and getting dick leprosy. But if I could somehow get my wife in a costume…holy shit.
Jason’s bonus- I really liked The A-team.

My bonus- if you were asked to place five items into a time capsule that would completely summarize your life up to this point, what would you place in?


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 4:19 pm

That’s a damn good bonus question man. Been thinking about it since you posted it, and it deserves to be an actual Three-For-All question next week (credit to you for devising it) if that works.


Hail Mary August 30, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Sounds good to me.


Lamar the Revenger August 30, 2013 at 12:20 pm

Hellions Bonus: Agree with Hair Mary’s answer 100%

Jason’s Bonus: The Avengers. Sean Connery. Eddie Izzard. Giant teddy bears. Nuff said.

Hail Mary’s Question: X-Men: The Dark Phoenix Saga, The Thrawn Trilogy, Transformers the Animated Movie, The 1st GI Joe miniseries, and a cigar.


Howard Decker August 30, 2013 at 4:18 pm

Great five items. Sounds like a hell of a Labor Day weekend plan!


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: