The 6 Worst Star Wars House Guests

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by UnderScoopFire Staff & Contributors on February 7, 2013

in Star Wars

Whether as a child you wanted Wicket to hang out in your home or as an adult you wanted a visit from Princess Leia in her slave outfit, everyone who’s watched a Star Wars movie has harbored the dream of having their favorite Star Wars character over for a weekend (right?).

Of course, not all the beings in the Star Wars universe would make an ideal house guest. Here are some rowdy characters you wouldn’t want shacking up at your place.

 

Bowdaar

BowdarrSure, a Wookiee seems like the ideal pal, but let Bowdaar live in your home for a week and you’ll be ready to kick him out on the street in no time.

If you think those clumps of hair stuck in the shower drain from your hairy roommate are bad, try extracting a giant gob of Wookiee fur from the drain. Aside from that, the big furball always wants to fight. The police will be pounding at your door nonstop with assault and battery charges, disturbing the peace claims, and who knows what else.

If you try to have a nice little chat about his behavior, though… watch out. Bowdaar will just use his Wookiee Toss on you to catapult you into the next county.

 

HK-47

Droids don’t eat food and they take up very little space, making them the perfect house guests—except in HK-47’s case.

HK47 star wars

Don’t bring HK-47 to your home unless you plan on dying, because he will kill you. It’s just a fact. He might call you a “meatbag” and offer some amusing dialogue before he does it, but he will eventually shoot up the place with his blaster. At least your last few moments of life will be filled with a few chuckles, right?

 

Admiral Ackbar

He may be a high ranking officer in the Rebel Alliance, but Admiral Ackbar is a squid-face. Remember how that Fillet-o-Fish sandwich you never finished and tossed in trash can reeked up the whole house? Ackbar smells like that all day, every day.

admiral ackbar

He also believes everything is a trap. Put toast in the toaster. It’s a trap! Try to take a shower. It’s a trap! Turn on the TV. It’s a trap! It’s only funny for about an hour. After that you just want to turn him into sushi. How’s that for a trap, Ackbar?!

 

Jabba the Hutt

No one really likes Hutts, except for other Hutts. They drag a trail of slime everywhere they slither, they maintain an air of arrogance, not to mention a distain for all other races, and they enjoy forcing other beings into slavery. They also stuff anything that wriggles down their gullet and slobber all over the place while doing it. Any Hutt would be an awful house guest for these reasons, but Jabba has a few extra-special qualities that make him even more of a nuisance.

Jabba_the_hutt

He has a taste for young humanoid women, especially ones that are scantily clad in metal bikinis. If you’re a woman, expect to be forced into slavery as Jabba’s personal dancer. If not, you’d better hope your girlfriend, sister, or—worst case scenario—daughter, doesn’t pay you a visit while Jabba’s around.

 

Bonecrusher the Rancor

Aside from being the size of a small building, Karagga’s beloved Rancor pet has plenty of other reasons to make him the worst house guest ever. First off, he has the attention span of child with ADHD who just guzzled 12 Mountain Dews. One second he’ll be watching a cartoon, and the next second he’ll be crashing through the living room window to chase a squirrel he saw outside.

Rancor

If that wasn’t enough, his diet consists of glowing red Gamorrean Guards and they don’t sell those at the grocery store. You have to import them from Gamorr for a ridiculous amount of credits.

 

Jar Jar Binks

This one is a no brainer. The guy destroys armies by tripping and falling all over the place. What chance do you think your home stands against a night of Jar Jar?

Jar Jar

Maybe if you have a really good insurance policy that protects your home from bad George Lucas ideas, then it could be a clever way to get your insurance company to pay for a complete remodel on your house. Meesa thinks it’s at least worth a try.

So, the next time you think about sending a friendly invitation to your favorite Star Wars character, think twice. You might get eaten out of house and home, enslaved, beaten or shot with a blaster. Of course, all of these guys make a better house guest than anyone from The Jersey Shore.

jerseyshore

 

ryan heuer profileRyan Heuer writes for HalloweenCostumes.com. If he could pick one character from Star Wars as a house guest, it would be definitely be an Ewok. Aww!

 

 

 

  • Brian Morin

    Personally, I wouldn’t mind Wicket in a gold bikini. #Sexy

  • http://aeiouwhy.blogspot.com Dex (@Dex1138)

    I think I would rather put up with anyone on this list before anyone from The Jersey Shore.

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      I agree. Death by droid is welcome at that point.

      • http://aeiouwhy.blogspot.com Dex (@Dex1138)

        Better yet, let’s put HK-47 in with the Jersey Shore crew!

        • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

          you win.

  • James

    I like the mix of unknown characters with classics. Good write up- very funny!

  • http://www.williambrucewest.com Will

    Am I the only one who thinks Slave Leia would make a terrible houseguest? Just think about it: she’s traipsing around, half naked, and you’ve gotta hide your boners IN YOUR OWN HOME! And when she leaves, you gotta give her one of those Christian Side Hugs, so you don’t lance your way out of FriendZone right into CreePurgatory!

    • http://underscoopfire.com Howie Decker

      that is hilarious.

    • Ryan Heuer

      Not to mention you’d probably have a jealous Han Solo busting your door down and shooting up the place.

      • http://www.williambrucewest.com Will

        And we all know he shoots first…

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