Let’s Cast the Inevitable SyFy Movie about Galloping Crocodiles

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Funny, Movies

Apparently in 2009 The Guardian shared the story of a newly discovered species of dinosaur-eating crocodile. On top of being a crack swimmer, their bone structure suggest that these toothy delights could gallop across land as well, invoking images of a Kanga-gator, or a Veloci-roo (I’m still working on these).

If we use the SyFy method of extrapolating this concept out to Sharknad-ian levels, we can envision a film featuring a large contingent of these creatures invading a metropolitan area (emerging from the New York sewers, HELLO!).

We just need a cast, and this thing can be on the air by Valentine’s Day. Nothing says romance like reptiles with leg upgrades. Let’s get to work.

Based on the SyFy template (if it ain’t broke, am I right??) here are the archetypes we need to fill:

 

Small business owner with a specialized and sexy skill (surfing/firefighting/jeans modeling):

Estranged wife (must be “wife pretty” yet divorceable):

Teen daughter of main character and estranged wife (singing or bikini modeling talent preferred):

Main character’s best friend (must invoke “Holy sh*t, that guy! Where’s he been?” feelings):

Rogue type (initially in it for himself, but well-timed change of heart endears him to audience, world):

Field reporter (must have large Instagram following, acting experience a plus):

Mother of main character (preferably a recognizable but completely forgotten face, think 80s sitcom neighbor):

Goofy “ne’er do well type” for iconic and hilarious death scene (think 80s sitcom neighbor):

Scientist (must be believable galloping crocodile expert):

Drunk:

 

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