Nick Fury recruits agents of S.C.H.O.O.L. for high school-based super team

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Funny, Nerdy

From 2008 – 2011, moviegoers didn’t dare leave a Marvel superhero film before the credits finished.

 

Everyone stayed put to see if Nick Fury would show up and give his customary ten-second pitch to the titular hero, foreshadowing the assembly of The Avengers. Fury successfully gathered his superteam, and of course, there came a day, a day unlike any other, when Earth’s mightiest heroes and heroines found themselves united against a common threat.

So The Avengers have the big stuff covered. But what happens if something goes down at the high school level? You can’t really send Earth’s Mightiest Heroes in to settle a cafeteria fight or to find out who’s been stealing iPods out of lockers. Unprotected high schools everywhere look to Nick Fury to once again assemble a team. A superteam of high school crimefighters.

And it begins. Again.

Staying tuned until the credits finish becomes the new american standard for television viewing, as Nick Fury begins appearing at the end of high school-based dramas and sitcoms. He’s pitching again, but this time he’s assembling a new squad, S.C.H.O.O.L. (Strategic Clandestine Highschool-Only Operatives League).

Let’s watch as Fury recruits a new member each week:

 

Zack Morris (Saved By The Bell)

Ability: to pause time at any moment with the words “Time Out”

After the rockin’ instrumental carries us through the credits, we are briefly taken back to The Max. All of Zack’s friends have left, and Max is taking the garbage out in the back. Zack ends a call on his brick phone and turns around to see Fury sitting alone in the dark at a booth.

“I’m here to talk to you about the S.C.H.O.O.L. Initiative.”

Thinking he is a determined college recruiter with a unique yet creepy approach, Zack declines his offer, but Fury always gets his man. The offer of a futuristic “smartphone” and a new pair of Converse high tops has Zack interested. Fade to black.

 

Buffy Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Ability: knowledge & experience combating forces of darkness

Fury’s pal Joss Whedon gives him a hot tip about a high school girl that has experience and success battling vampires, demons, and other villainous entities. Someone with this kind of resume is a must for his new team. With vampires taking such a liking to high school girls recently (and vice-versa), S.C.H.O.O.L. needs an agent who can combat this menace.

Fury shows up after the credits at Sunnydale High, and makes his pitch. Buffy resists at first, but is ultimately interested.

 

Chloe Sullivan (Smallville)

Ability: expert hacker, communications

I know what you’re thinking: Chloe Sullivan belongs to DC Comics, and if Nick Fury were to show up at Smallville High, why wouldn’t he just recruit Clark Kent?

We don’t have answers for those questions, but I mean come on, it’s Nick Fury. He’s got this. And nobody wants another high school Superman show.

Chloe Sullivan took on an Oracle-like role while assisting her “super friends” on Smallville. Showing the ability to hack into the Pentagon’s mainframe among others, Sullivan is an important team member in this age of technology. Who’s been slandering local students on Facebook? Who anonymously tweeted the principal’s home phone number? S.C.H.O.O.L. is on the case, and Chloe will get to the bottom of it. Her oft-updated “wall of weird” will help the team keep track of impending threats.

 

Tim Riggins (Friday Night Lights)

Ability: master of disguise

Fury visits Dillon, TX to recruit Tim Riggins for two reasons: S.C.H.O.O.L. needs some muscle (after all, he passed on Clark Kent) and Riggins has the ability to masquerade as an adult if necessary. While Riggins was completely passable as a high school student, he also had absolutely no trouble gaining weekly access to a strip club and unlimited beer. Riggins is a most valuable addition to the team, in case they ever need to infiltrate an adults-only function.

After the credits, Riggins would be the only remaining member of the Dillon Panthers running stairs in the stadium after practice, when the lights go out. He turns to see Fury sitting in the stands, but is unstartled. Ever the hero, Riggins agrees to join S.C.H.O.O.L. (since the whole ‘going to college and going pro’ thing probably won’t work out anyway).

 

Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)

Ability: detective

Every superteam needs a detective. A skilled private investigator, Veronica is recruited by Nick Fury to be his lead field agent. Fury makes his customary appearance after the credits, approaching Mars in the halls of Neptune High. You know the rest.

 

For those unaware, this post was my response to this week’s assignment from The League of Extraordinary Bloggers. The assigment was simply: Summer’s over, it’s time to go back to school! (Interpret it as you will.)

Check out some other posts from fellow league members below!

Monster Cafe Saltillo

Memories of Toymorrow

Green Plastic Squirt Gun

Whatever I Think Of!

Of Flying Monkeys and Ewoks oh my!

Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks (teachers fantasy draft!)

ShezCrafti busts out TMNT & Fifth Platoon

Dork Horde with some awesome Star Wars school supplies

Paxton Holley of Cavalcade of Awesome lists 5 must-have school supplies

and Rediscover the 80s has toys cleverly disguised as school supplies

 

 

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

@eclectik September 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

No Charmed, Power of Three?
Clark on Smallville, the ability to prolong everything
Kimmy Gibbler, Foot Funk

Reply

ShezCrafti September 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Looks like someone is still in Ninja Attack/super team assembly mode!

I have three thoughts:
1) This post is awesome.
2) Looks like we both heart Zack Morris this week even though I’m still convinced he stole his time-pausing powers from Evie Garland. Please direct your attention to the sidebar of my blog and vote accordingly. (Yes, I want guys to vote too.)
3) Nice to see Veronica Mars made the list. The internet doesn’t have enough Veronica Mars as far as I’m concerned. Annoy, tiny blonde one! ANNOY LIKE THE WIND!

Reply

ShezCrafti September 6, 2012 at 2:53 pm

@eclectik

Could use some Jordan Catalano, too. Ability: making illiteracy sexy.

Reply

Howie Decker September 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I voted Zack, because as much as I hated the “preppy” cool guys at my high school (of which I was not one), I hated the jocks even more (mainly because both groups were way cooler than me). (end parentheses)

Reply

Howie Decker September 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Listen you two – Fury couldn’t recruit ALL the notable high schoolers for the team, just like he couldn’t recruit every Marvel super hero for the Avengers. Gotta leave some to add in the sequel.

Reply

Tom September 7, 2012 at 4:27 am

Love the inclusion of Tim Riggins, always wondered about that myself!

Reply

Corey Chapman September 7, 2012 at 7:44 am

this post is brilliant.

Reply

Will September 7, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Excellent post! Just…just beautiful.

Reply

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