5 GoBots That NEED to be in the Proposed GoBots Movie

Many children of the 80s still perceive the GoBots as the “also-ran” to the more successful Transformers franchise.

Some say they didn’t even have a chance from the opening theme: “Transformers! More than meets the eye! Transformers! Robots in disguise!” certainly isn’t the Hey Jude of toy-based cartoon themes but it was still better than the hollow and repetitive “The GoBots! The GoBots!”.

However, Hollywood has now made a fortune with four increasingly awful “giant transforming robot” movies, which means any opportunity to jump on the transforming bandwagon is grasped with both hands. The world is as ready as they’ll ever be for a GoBots movie, and according to reports, one is in pre-development.

If reports are true, they’ll eventually have to determine which GoBots characters will make the conversion from 80s toy and cartoon to film. While the haters (and Transformers loyalists) would say picking the best GoBot is like picking your sexiest scab, I say let’s give the Renegades and the Guardians a chance to shine. Here are five GoBots characters (besides Cy-Kill) that need to be in the GoBots movie:

 

Crasher

The female Renegade GoBot Crasher was equal parts Baroness, Evil-Lyn, and a wicked version of Arcee. She’s also one of the most recognizable vintage GoBots from the cartoon and toy line.

gobots crasher

Not only can she control and direct mini-earthquakes (just go with it- I’m not going to attempt to explain 80s cartoon physics) but she’s also bat shit crazy. Most of all, Crasher brings a very necessary non-human female representation to the screen, something sorely lacking in most franchises of this ilk.

 

Baron Von Joy

One of the slightly larger toys from the Super GoBots line, Baron Von Joy was the “friendly robot sports car”. With a mug like that, how could he not be friendly? Actually, he looks too friendly for his own good. I bet as a young awkward teenage robot sports car he had a room full of awards and trophies and ribbons. Upon first sight you’re impressed by his accolades, but after further review its revealed that they all say “participant”.

baron von joy gobots

Baron Von Joy would be a great comedic foil for the more “serious” GoBot characters in the film- think “Sheldon Cooper as a transforming Porsche”. Maybe the Baron is a tenured professor, complete with a sports car sized t-shirt that reads “That’s my (parking) spot”.

 

Night Ranger

Here’s my pitch: At the end of Act Two of this movie the Guardians will be defeated. All will be lost for our heroes. Until… there it is in the distance. A lone blue Harley rides in the darkness. As long as Night Ranger is alive, all hope is not lost. The heroic GoBots will rise from the ashes to defeat Cy-Kill and his followers.

gobots night ranger toy

“Vroom vroom”, said the bad ass

As Night Ranger rides across the desolate highway in his mission to rally the troops, the long anticipated lyrics blare: “You’re motorin’! What’s your price for flight?”. America collectively weeps tears of joy as the most powerful scene in the history of cinema plays on screens nationwide.

 

Tank

Tank was voiced by Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) and was one of the most popular early GoBots toys. His robot form was pretty standard, but his vehicle form was unlike most anything we’d seen to that point. Including characters like these in the film, and sticking close to the source material for their film adaptation’s visual design, is crucial.

gobots tank toy cartoon

WE know GoBots came before Transformers, but that’s because we’re painfully nerdy. The casual child of the 80s/movie fan today likely does not. Along with Cy-Kill and Cop-Tur, Tank has a look that is far enough removed from any Transformer to help propagate the “we’re not just Transformers knock-offs” message to today’s movie goers.

 

Leader-1

You know what kids love as much if not more than Bi-Clops and Bible action figures? Pacifism. Leader-1 doesn’t want to fight. He just wants all of robot-kind to get along with each other and their fellow man (machine-man). Us too I suppose? It’s time to give kids an alternative to Optimus Prime riding beasts and shooting or stabbing things. It’s time for negotiations! America is ready for Leader-1.

leader-1 gobots

all these other guys should definitely be in it too

For those of you who get playground-excited over Senate meetings and Federation Council debate, your long wait is over. Watch Leader-1 ponder while lesser GoBots fight and die. See the heroic Guardians leader drink coffee, take meetings and talk about proper protocols. It’s like My Dinner with Andre but with giant robots!

 

Bonus GoBot: Bubble Man

Bubble Man? This blows! Alright, obvious joke out of the way this is a perfect opportunity for redemption. The Transformers movies have featured giant snake-formers and huge swinging ball-formers. No one would see the Bubble Man coming! Picture this: The Renegades have covered the Earth in their waste: oil. GoBot filth coats the coasts of every continent. It’s filthy. It’s crude.

Bubble Man is sitting in GoBots HQ just chilling, watching TV. Like all lame transforming robots do. When suddenly he sees a commercial for Dawn (Product placement bonanza! Who wouldn’t want to sponsor the next huge summer blockbuster?). Specifically, volunteers using Dawn to clean oil off of birds. Bubble Man dumps some detergent down his gullet and sprays the world with his life-giving bubbles.

His fellow Guardians hoist Bubble Man over their heads and humanity treats him like a savior. Bubble Man is a benevolent god and bestows one more gift from his mouth upon the world. Foam party! Roll credits.

Kevin Hellions (@TeamHellions) is the creator of Team Hellions. You can find him enjoying everything from 2CW to the Young Adult (meaning comic book) section of the local library. 

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