Three-For-All | “Your Life Depends On It”

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Three For All

Based on last week’s responses, it seems like there is a groundswell of support for Richard Simmons, and Thor’s hammer is the living room centerpiece of choice.

On to this week’s questions- feel free to answer all or as many as you like, and leave a new question in the comments if you wish!


1. If your life depended on the outcome of a 5-on-5 volleyball game, and you could only choose your team’s 5 players from people who have appeared on Saturday Night Live (cast, host, cameo, musical guest), who would make your team?

2. Again, if your life depended on it (somebody really wants to see you dead) (but wants to give you fair chances) which project do you feel more confident that you could succeed at: getting a slinky to walk down an entire standard size staircase in three tries -OR- getting a Chia Pet to grow a full head of “hair” in one week?

3. Submitted as a question from Hail Mary in last week’s comments: if you were asked to place five items into a time capsule that would completely summarize your life up to this point, what would you place in?


Looking forward to your replies!


{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

@eclectik September 6, 2013 at 2:10 am

1. Well I wont pick dead people because, well they wouldn’t be very competitive so …
Jimmy Fallon – If you’ve watched his show he’s super competitive
Maya Rudolph – Competitive and she has fire
Joe Montana – The Shoes
Andy Roddick – Some athletic youth
Eli Manning – So people will take pity for having a corky on the team

2. Give me the Chia Pet because I can pump it with Chia HGH … that MF’r will look like Bob Ross in 3 days

iPhone (With a slammin 80s/90s mix on it)
Shell-toe Adidas
A picture of Janet Jackson
Sallie Mae Bill

Where would you rather live out your days
In Bedrock – Simple people, simple times
Earth 2062 With the Jetsons … faced paced living with common luxuries automated (Pellets for food, no parks, sidewalks, etc)

Bonus #2

Would you rather be considered a 10 but smell REALLY bad
Smell great but LOOK Like you smell REALLY REALLY Bad?


Howard Decker September 6, 2013 at 10:34 am

Excellent volleyball squad sir.

Bonus #1: Jetsons. I’m all about the automation. And pellet dinners would eliminate 89% of the fights in our house.

Bonus #2: Smelling really bad would probably negate even the best of looks so I’ll choose option 2.


T2H September 6, 2013 at 3:20 am

1. George Wendt. Eddie Vedder. Robert Downey Jr. Julia Louis-Dryfess. And Tom Hanks. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. You’re great! No, you’re great!

2. In clinical studies of the Jerry Garcia Chia-Beard versus the Homer Chia-head, they found that neither could sprout effectively within seven days time. Jerry did a halfway decent job of hookin’ ya’ up with some green though.

3. My massive volumes of teenage-angst love requited sonnets and Thom Yorke-inspired haiku. The White Album CD. A wooden cross I keep in my pocket. And a can of Caffeine Free Diet Coke. And my beard shavings.


T2H September 6, 2013 at 3:23 am

Oooooo! Can I cancel my beard leavings and put in my Roddy Piper 1/20 Employee Exclusive in a 1/100 Piper boxing card, essentially a 1/1.


Howard Decker September 6, 2013 at 11:09 am



T2H September 6, 2013 at 3:27 am

Bonus: Ultimate threesome: w/ Sophia Vergara & Dawn Wells. Or Julie Bowen & Tina Louise. Can’t have either both Mary Ann or both Ginger, but a combo platter therein.


T2H September 6, 2013 at 3:28 am

In their heyday of course for the Sherwood Schwartz crowd. Happy Gilmore for Bowen.


Howard Decker September 6, 2013 at 10:31 am

If Julie Bowen is involved, I can never choose any other combination of people. You could have paired Bowen with a Triceratops and I’d go with that choice.


Dex (@Dex1138) September 6, 2013 at 9:52 am

1 – Would take me too long to draft, I’d be dead. But here’s my quick picks: Andy Samberg, Jennifer Lawrence, Timberlake, Fallon and Seth Meyers.

2 – I have no experience with Chia so I have to go with Slinky.

A Star Wars action figure
iPod packed with choice selections of my favorite tunes from 50s to now
Issue #155 of Uncanny X-Men
the Vincent Price BluRay Collection
digital camera

Bonus #1 – Jetsons because you know Bedrock toilets are some kind of animal
Bonus #2 – Smell great

Can I take Bowen & Wells?


Howard Decker September 6, 2013 at 10:28 am

“Bedrock toilets are some kind of animal” HAH!


T2H September 6, 2013 at 2:54 pm

Not an option E. Can’t have both Mary Ann’s.


Lamar the Revenger September 6, 2013 at 12:40 pm

1. I can’t answer because I suck a volleyball & I’d be dead after the first match.

2. Bare or carpeted steps? If carpeted: Chia. If not: Slinky

3. See last’s weeks Friday Three For All.

Eclectik #1: smell good look bad

Eclectik #2: Jetsons – 1 hour work day. Plus I’d want to go Orbity hunting. Kill them all.

T2H #1: Julie Bowen & Tina Louise.


SharePointJoe September 6, 2013 at 1:18 pm

1. Shaq. I’ll add 4 more for the sake of it….Jennifer Aniston, Jon Hamm, Andy Samberg and Michael Buble.

2. Chia pet. Then i’d shave it into a landing strip. No one likes full bush.

3. iPad, iPhone, iMac, 1989 Alley Viper figure and Tom Landry signed photograph.

Eclectik #1: I wanna make that bed … rock….

Eclectik #2: I wanna be a 10 and smell awful. Like wet dirty farts.

T2H #1: Julie Bowen & Tina Louise.


Kevin Hellions September 6, 2013 at 4:24 pm

1. (Just going with cast members.) Have you seen the shorts girls wear when playing volleyball? Its not a who would play question. This is who has a hot ass question. Thus the answers are: Abby Elliot, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Cheri Oteri, Sarah Silverman.

2. The devil is in the details. There are only three chances with the Slinky however there could be hundreds of Chia Pets all growing at the same time. Just have to make one of them work within a week.

3. Cross, collection of retail name tags, pen and journal, keychain lanyard from college, wedding ring with some baby poop worked into the grooves.

Eclectik Bonus #1. Jetsons of course. You think we have some cool shit and hot stuff now. Wait a few hundred more years. Its going to get crazy!

Eclectik Bonus #2. Be a 10 and smell bad. If you’re sexy and/or have money girls will still give for you. Who was it, Motley Crue maybe, that had the contest who could go the longest without showering and still get blown.

T2H Bonus: Have to go Bowen. Something about her, you just know it would be fun.


Hail Mary September 6, 2013 at 5:03 pm

1. Michael Jordan, Shaq, Peyton Manning, The Rock, and Justin Beiber (just to hopefully see him get a facefull of spiked volleyball and because with my other 4, I don’t need anyone else.)
2. I’ll go with the slinky. It at least has a chance. You can’t get seeds to grow faster than bature allows.
3. Answering my own question: Representing what was important to me throughout the phases of my life, version 2 Snake Eyes, my old track spikes, The Karate Kid on DVD, a whiteboard marker, and a photo of my family.

E1- The Jetsons.
E2- Smelling bad would bother me more than it would bother others, so I’ll go with the other choice.
T2H- Bowen and Louise


Tom Mathias September 7, 2013 at 10:04 am

1. Not sure they’d win a game but hey it’s only my life right? It’d be fun to see a reunion of one of my favorite eras of SNL: Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Dennis Miller, Kevin Nealon, Chris Rock.
2. I used to totally pwn at competition Slinky so yeah…
3. A G.I.Joe figure, a Bryan Adams CD, a page from the underground newsletter my friends and I did back in high school, an AOL diskette, and a typical family photo, you know te one where my wife looks like she is pleading with the kids to stop and stand still and the kids are pinching and pulling each others hair and I have the “are we done yet” look on me face

– Jetsons all the way!

-look bad, smell good


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