6. Lisa Simpson
What She Ruined: our parents’ image of ‘the good sibling’
If you had a sibling close in age growing up, then you probably recall your parents playing you off one another to create some sort of competitive environment. Their hope was that you’d push each other to do your individual best. This would work if all siblings involved were dealing with comparable intelligence and talent levels. Enter Lisa Simpson.
Lisa Simpson was such a perfect child that she not only obliterated her brother Bart’s hopes of ever impressing his parents, she crushed every kid whose parents watched The Simpsons. Surely there were plenty of FOX-watching parents in the 90s wondering why their 8 year-olds weren’t talented artists, active in the school band, scoring straight As and researching colleges.
7. Max Ray, Sundown
What they ruined: your “cool” little pre-pubescent mustache
That peach fuzz growing on your top lip? You might have thought it was the raddest show in town until you came across Sundown from C.O.P.S. and The Centurions’ Max Ray and they showed you what real man’s facial hair looked like.
Gung Ho and Man-At-Arms had some pretty dope soup catchers too. Nevermind Yoesmite Sam, that shit was just unattainable.
What He Ruined: your tape deck
The same can be said for Blaster and your radio, Perceptor and your microscope, and Ironhide and your mom’s minivan. These normal, everyday things just did not stack up once you realized there were versions of them that transformed into goddamn robots.
Uhh Jim, that’s an Autobot logo on his che- screw it, we’ll color it purple.
9. Hulk Hogan
What He Ruined: our image of pro wrestling
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Pro wrestlers are not friends with each other. They do not have out-of-ring adventures with one another. This is a competitive sport in which it is every man for himself. The real Hulk Hogan MIGHT find it in his heart to accept one friend or understudy per calendar year (see: Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim) but he would never go on cavorting with all of the other WWF Superstars like this.
What She Ruined: our concept of gender ratios
Back in grade school we never noticed inequalities. Perhaps this can be blamed on The Smurfs.
To a point, every kid who watched The Smurfs was blindly compliant with the whole “one female to an entire village of males” plot point. Until the day came that we developed enough reason and social awareness to question the gender ratio of Smurf Village, it’s likely these same inequalities never struck us in real life either.
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