The 10 Cartoon Characters Who Changed Everything

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by Howie Decker @HowardTheDeck

in Lists

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6. Lisa Simpson

What She Ruined: our parents’ image of ‘the good sibling’

If you had a sibling close in age growing up, then you probably recall your parents playing you off one another to create some sort of competitive environment. Their hope was that you’d push each other to do your individual best. This would work if all siblings involved were dealing with comparable intelligence and talent levels. Enter Lisa Simpson.

lisa simpson

Lisa Simpson was such a perfect child that she not only obliterated her brother Bart’s hopes of ever impressing his parents, she crushed every kid whose parents watched The Simpsons. Surely there were plenty of FOX-watching parents in the 90s wondering why their 8 year-olds weren’t talented artists, active in the school band, scoring straight As and researching colleges.

 

7. Max Ray, Sundown

What they ruined: your “cool” little pre-pubescent mustache

That peach fuzz growing on your top lip? You might have thought it was the raddest show in town until you came across Sundown from C.O.P.S. and The Centurions’ Max Ray and they showed you what real man’s facial hair looked like.

max ray mustache

Gung Ho and Man-At-Arms had some pretty dope soup catchers too. Nevermind Yoesmite Sam, that shit was just unattainable.

 

8. Soundwave

What He Ruined: your tape deck

The same can be said for Blaster and your radio, Perceptor and your microscope, and Ironhide and your mom’s minivan. These normal, everyday things just did not stack up once you realized there were versions of them that transformed into goddamn robots.

soundwave

Uhh Jim, that’s an Autobot logo on his che- screw it, we’ll color it purple.

 

9. Hulk Hogan

What He Ruined: our image of pro wrestling

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Pro wrestlers are not friends with each other. They do not have out-of-ring adventures with one another. This is a competitive sport in which it is every man for himself. The real Hulk Hogan MIGHT find it in his heart to accept one friend or understudy per calendar year (see: Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim) but he would never go on cavorting with all of the other WWF Superstars like this.

hulk hogans rock n wrestling_opt

 

10. Smurfette

What She Ruined: our concept of gender ratios

Back in grade school we never noticed inequalities. Perhaps this can be blamed on The Smurfs.

smurfette

To a point, every kid who watched The Smurfs was blindly compliant with the whole “one female to an entire village of males” plot point. Until the day came that we developed enough reason and social awareness to question the gender ratio of Smurf Village, it’s likely these same inequalities never struck us in real life either.

 

 

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Dex (@Dex1138) May 29, 2013 at 6:07 am

Correction: Jessica Rabbit was the bust-out star of WFRR?

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Howard Decker May 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm

dammit. well done Dex.

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Jason Gross (@SockOfFleagulls) May 29, 2013 at 8:28 am

Okay, why is it that the gang could understand Scooby just fine until danger came along and they had to do the whole Timmy and Lassie routine? That ruined the concept of dog communication…

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Howard Decker May 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm

good point. He must have had a plot device stuck in his throat

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SharePointJoe May 29, 2013 at 8:49 am

Such adjectives to describe He-Man.

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Howard Decker May 29, 2013 at 2:26 pm

there aren’t enough adjectives in the world to describe He-Man

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Sammy May 29, 2013 at 9:10 am

“Oily tan aircraft carriers” for the win

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Howard Decker May 29, 2013 at 2:26 pm

seriously. Greasy Flaggs.

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James May 29, 2013 at 9:20 am

The Scooby Doo gang peering at me will appear in a nightmare, thanks

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Howard Decker May 29, 2013 at 2:27 pm

like that one phantom in the opening credits of the original series? with the red eyes! The worst!

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Will May 29, 2013 at 11:09 am

Excellent work!

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Lamar the Revenger May 29, 2013 at 12:14 pm

For the mustache you forgot Handlebar the bartender.

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Howard Decker May 29, 2013 at 2:28 pm

SO many great mustaches out there. He didn’t even make the cartoon mustache top 10 list, did he? Whoops! Egregious omission!

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ClarenceRHM May 29, 2013 at 8:51 pm

If I could survive He-Man (& Hulk Hogan (& Schwarzenegger)), then I can survive anything, hehe.

I’m weird that I didn’t pay much attention to Jessica Rabbit when I was a kid.

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Howard Decker May 30, 2013 at 9:11 am

not weird at all. I actually never saw Roger Rabbit!

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Brett June 24, 2013 at 9:45 pm

Smurfette doesn’t ruin are concept of gender roles.
It actually enforces it.

Have you tried online dating. There’s literally 1 genuine female to every 100 men.

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John F. C. Taylor July 2, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Didn’t ruin anything for me. I grew up reading science fiction. Simpsons and Family Guy never ruined anything because I don’t watch them.

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ACF423 August 26, 2013 at 9:59 pm

I cant believe I remember this from 30 years ago… But Smurfette wasnt a real Smurf. There are no female smurfs. She was created by Gargamel.

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Howard Decker August 27, 2013 at 4:49 pm

Damn you’re right. I remember that too, thanks to your reminder.

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